Entries by gmader

We sentence ourselves in our sentences

/in

I learned many years ago that how we think and speak about ourselves and others determines the space and mood we live in. Speaking, thinking and even feeling are really very similar in nature. They all involve having a conversation. Thinking and feeling are speaking with yourself. We wouldn’t really know how we feel if we didn’t say to our self “I am sad”, “I am scared” or “I am angry.” And speaking is verbalizing our conversations to others in an interaction. In the world of conversation, there are two types of conversations: empowering and undermining. Engaging in empowering conversations make us bigger, stronger and more energized. Engaging in undermining conversations, obviously, make us more […]

Don’t confuse Commitment with Compliance

/in

Many managers and leaders assume their people automatically will commit to a new direction or strategy. They believe they should not have to ask for people’s commitment. They come from a school of thought that employees are obliged to align when a boss askes for it. It’s a belief to the effect of, “We shouldn’t have to beg you to get on board. That’s what you are paid to do. This isn’t a democracy. As soon as you understand the rationale and valid business reasons for this direction or strategy, you should be fully behind it.” This assumption is incorrect and dangerous. We find that this attitude often stems from a view that compliance is […]

Do you know how to receive a compliment?

/in

Do you know how to receive a compliment and praise, or do you typically tend to dismiss, deflect or reduce what is being said? I was having dinner with a long time client and friend for whom I have a great deal of admiration and respect. At some point in the evening, I expressed my heartfelt appreciation, gratitude and acknowledgement for the great person sitting in front of me including everything they have achieved in the previous months. My client listened quietly and then respectfully and graciously said something to the tune of: “Thank you so much for your kind words BUT I don’t deserve the praise and what I did wasn’t really that special.” […]

Are you part of the problem or the solution?

/in

Blame – or the blame game – is always harmful and destructive. It undermines the team dynamic and creates a stressful work environment. When something goes wrong and there’s a witchhunt for whose fault it is, people react by hiding, covering themselves, misrepresenting and being increasingly cautious. Nobody engages in a productive conversation to learn from the mistake, which only perpetuates the situation and increases the likelihood it will be repeated. Contrast this with an environment of ownership and commitment, where people are orienting around open, honest discussions that lead to the source of problems and allow for real resolution. In this environment, no one is interested in who’s at fault, but rather in getting […]

What to expect if you want to reinvent yourself

/in ,

As a part of my job, I have the privilege to coach many people at all levels of organizations; people who want to become more powerful and effective professionally and personally. Most of the people I interact with are already very successful in what they do. But they all want to take their game to the next level; they want to change or improve something about themselves. Or as I refer to it – they want to reinvent themselves. Reinventing ourselves is not easy. In fact, most people don’t stay the course and succeed. Have you ever heard the cynical view: “You can’t change the leopard’s spots?” There’s definitely a science and an art to […]

Do you have time for commitment?

/in

My wife and I spent the weekend with our dear friends B and R. B and R are a bit older than we are. They are both successful professionals. Their kids are older, they’ve moved out, one married. In fact, B and R are expecting their first grandchild this year. They are empty nesters, both in great physical and mental shape. So, they are set up to have a great time for the rest of their lives. As we were on our morning walk, I asked B, “So, what do you do for exercise?” and he said “Nothing.” When he saw my surprised look he continued and said in a guilty voice, “I know. I […]

Do you love your life?

/in

In one of my earlier blogs “Living Courageously Through Journaling” I wrote about the benefits of journaling. This is a practice and discipline that I have adopted and taken on periodically over the last 25 years. I pick it up especially in times of transition, change, decisions or simply when I want to clear my mind and reflect on recent events. One of the things I have been regularly writing about is what I feel most grateful and fortunate about in my life. In fact, every day when I write I start with: “I feel most grateful for” and then I let my writing flow from there. And, I list at least 10 things I […]

Raising kids or raising parents?

/in

I recently had lunch with a client and during our conversation he shared with me some personal challenges he and his wife have been going through with their oldest child. As a father of three, I could relate to his anguish as my wife and I went through our share of challenges with some of our kids, too. Because my kids are older now so I could give him some perspective and advice from our journey. This weekend is Father’s day so I thought it would be appropriate to dedicate this blog to this topic. I shared with him that about 10 years ago, when our older kids were teenagers, my wife and I had […]

Empower yourself to have more courageous conversations

/in

In last week’s blog I stated that most people in most organizations avoid having the courageous conversations. They want things to change, they want more empowerment, responsibility, involvement and authority, but when push-comes-to-shove they often have diplomatic, watered-down or politically correct conversations. In private conversations with leaders, managers, and employees in many organizations, most acknowledge that they are not as courageous as they need or want to be. So, in this post I want to suggest some steps that could empower people and teams to go to the next level in this area: First step – Fess up – In order to change their behavior, people need to first own up to their current behaviors […]

Are you having the courageous conversations?

/in

The senior leaders of a large and successful technology company wanted to improve their overall effectiveness as a team, including their communications and meeting productiveness. The leaders acknowledged that their conversations and meetings were not where not effective and that included: (1) The short-term financial updates and immediate fire drills always took over the meeting’s agendas and the team never got to discuss the more strategic topics of opportunity and change, (2) When the leaders did get to the discussions the same few team members always dominated the conversation and other team members felt unable to contribute, (3) The team debated issues endlessly without reaching conclusions, alignment and decisions, (4) Important decisions that affected everyone […]

30 years of blissful marriage

/in

This week my wife and I are celebrating 30 years of extraordinary marriage, and 35 years of being together. We met on the day of my 20th birthday. It was love at first sight, and after 5 years of dating with a couple of short breakups, it was clear to both of us that we were meant for each other forever and we got married. We have been blissfully married and deeply in love ever since. My wife’s version of how we met is that the minute she laid eyes on me (she was 15 at the time) she knew that we would be together forever. I have always found that hard to understand and […]

Three Empowering Quotes About COURAGE

/in

W.H. Murray, the leader of the Scottish Himalayan Expedition that pioneered the path to the top of Mt. Everest knew something about COURAGE; what it takes, what it produces and what the consequences are of not ‘bringing it.’  He shared his experience: “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That, the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s […]