Entries by gmader

Generating Breakthroughs in Challenging Relationships (Part 4): Rules of Future Engagement

10 November 2013 /0 Comments/in , , , , /by

How do you take a challenging relationship — personal or professional — and transform it into one built on trust, respect and intimacy? Over the last three weeks, we have examined the first three steps for generating this kind of breakthrough: Both parties must authentically desire a transformation and commit to having the conversations necessary to take the relationship to a new or better place. Have an honest, open, rational conversation about the history in order to drive closure, complete the past and bring the relationship back to the space of nothing (zero). Generate rich, exciting possibilities for the future of your relationship. This week, we’ll cover the fourth and final step: Turn the new […]

Generating Breakthroughs in Challenging Relationships (Part 3): Starting From Scratch

3 November 2013 /0 Comments/in , , , , /by

How do you take a challenging relationship — personal or professional — and transform it into one built on trust, respect and intimacy? Over the past two weeks, we have examined the first two steps for generating this kind of breakthrough. The first step is that both parties must genuinely want to take the relationship to a new, better place and commit to having the necessary conversations. The second step is to have an honest, open, rational conversation about the past so that you can complete the past and “zero it out” so you can start over. This week, we’ll discuss the third step of the conversation: generating a rich, exciting possibility for the future […]

Generating Breakthroughs in Challenging Relationships (Part 2): Zeroing Out the Past

27 October 2013 /0 Comments/in , , , /by

How do you take a challenging relationship — personal or professional — and transform it into one built on trust, respect and intimacy? Last week, I outlined four steps for generating this kind of breakthrough. The first step is that both parties must genuinely want to take the relationship to a new, better place and commit to having the necessary conversations. This week, we’ll examine the second step: Complete the history of the relationship by fully getting each other’s reality and experiences. This requires an honest, open, rational conversation about the past. Setting the Stage for Change Start by setting the time and place for the conversation. Obviously, if possible, do it in person. However, […]

Having Effective Conversations to Build or Restore Trust in Any Relationship

20 October 2013 /0 Comments/in , , , /by

There are some people with whom we easily build trusting, productive relationships — people with whom we connect and take our relationships to the next level without much trouble or controversy. But there are other relationships — personal and professional — that require more work, either because past dealings or misunderstandings have created mistrust or animosity, or because different personalities make it harder sometimes to find common ground. Sometimes there is a problem in the relationship that we need to address or react to. But at other times, even if the relationship is functioning sufficiently, we want to take it to a higher, better level. Communication: The Key to Transforming Relationships Trust, relationships, partnerships: These […]

Courageous Living: When Ignorance Is Not Bliss

28 August 2013 /0 Comments/in , , /by

This is the final blog in my three-week series on blissful ignorance and awareness. Over the last two weeks, I have discussed the ways in which ignorance of certain information can be both empowering and disempowering (Is Ignorance Bliss? & Blissfully Ignorant or Blissfully Aware?). This week, I will discuss the areas of our life in which we definitely want to be aware—and how to ensure we stay awake and aware in these important areas. While there’s a lot we don’t need to know in order to be happy, even information that we are better off not knowing, there are a few areas of our lives in which awareness always trumps ignorance. These are the […]

Blissfully Ignorant or Blissfully Aware?

21 August 2013 /0 Comments/in , /by

Is ignorance really the key to bliss? Is it awareness? Or is it, perhaps, a combination of the two? In last week’s blog, we discussed the benefits and drawbacks of being aware or ignorant about certain information and why it’s important to deliberately manage a balance between the two. But how do you know when knowledge is power and when it can be disempowering? Here are some questions to ask yourself when deciding whether you really want to know more: Is this information true? Benjamin Franklin once said, “Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.” Most of the information we use to make decisions is not based on fact. […]

Is Ignorance Bliss?

14 August 2013 /0 Comments/in , /by

The phrase “ignorance is bliss” is often used in sarcastic, critical, and judgmental ways—as if it means burying your head in the ground like an ostrich to avoid dealing with the real challenges of the real world. But is that really true? Is staying ignorant and protected from certain information or conversations a blessing, or a curse? On the one hand, the older I get, the more I understand the validity of the idea that knowledge, or information, is power. The more facts you have in an area that is important to you, the more empowered you are to make informed and effective choices. When we lack information, we are more likely to make rush […]

Space of Possibility

7 August 2013 /0 Comments/in /by

Over the last few weeks, I have written much about the differences between Warriors and Worriers, positioning them as distinct opposites. But the truth is that Warriors do occasionally worry. And Worriers sometimes act courageously. From time to time, we step over that line to the other side, but we all live mostly on one side or the other. The difference between the space where Warriors live and the space where Worriers is possibility. Worriers are bound by past limitations. They tend to believe that their future prospects are constrained by past events and predicaments. They often allow themselves to remain stuck in the past, because it’s more familiar and safer that way. Doing what […]

Develop Your Warrior Muscle (Part 2)

31 July 2013 /0 Comments/in , /by

In last week’s blog, I wrote about how Warriors either “love” (or own) what they do or they “leave” it. This doesn’t mean they give up easily. In fact, Warriors stay true to their vision. They may change their course of action, but they seldom quit. Warriors are very resourceful. While Worriers often see others as obstacles, pains in the you-know-what, or necessary evils they must deal with, Warriors typically view others as potential resources, allies, or partners. Warriors are not shy about admitting when they don’t know something or when they need help. They acknowledge others’ superior skills, experiences, and track records, and they ask these people for coaching and guidance. This is because […]

Develop Your Warrior Muscle (Part 1)

24 July 2013 /0 Comments/in , /by

Every day we are faced with numerous circumstances and situations over which we have no control. However, we can always control who we’re going to be in those moments and how we’ll react to each situation. The choice is yours: You can deal with problems like a Worrier (i.e., by being a victim, blaming others, and making excuses for yourself). Or you can deal with problems like a Warrior, meaning you accept and own the reality and approach problems head on. Worriers tend to complain. Warriors avoid complaining, because they understand that even when their complaints are valid, focusing on them is a waste of time. Doing so only weakens them and makes them smaller […]

Building a Team of Warriors Starts with YOU

17 July 2013 /0 Comments/in , /by

If you find yourself leading a group of people who are locked into that negative, cynical, victim mentality, how do you shift it? How can you not only avoid becoming mired in the negativity, but actually change it? In other words, how do you help your team transition from Worriers to Warriors? The attitude and mindset of any organization or team, no matter how large or small, is always a reflection of its leader’s mindset and attitude. If the leader is a Worrier, the team will follow suit. If the leader is a Warrior, he/she will naturally create the same environment for his/her team. In order to transform a negative environment, you must lead by […]

Do You Have a Team of Warriors … or Worriers?

10 July 2013 /0 Comments/in , /by

Even the most technologically-advanced visionaries are reminded that people are still irreplaceable. I work with teams that are located in one city, where everyone works on the same floor of the same building, and yet they don’t trust each other or collaborate well together. I also work with globally-dispersed teams who rarely see each other in person, and yet they function with high levels of trust, purpose, collaboration, and intimacy. So, what determines the effectiveness of team dynamic? At the simplest level, it boils down to people’s attitudes, mindsets, and dedication to the game, as well as their relationships to themselves and their colleagues. We all have our own unique style and brand – a […]