Are you giving yourself bad advice about important things?

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How much time do you spend – or shall I say ‘waste’ – in your head? I mean listening to your own private thoughts, concerns, and conversations?

We do it mostly when we are troubled, upset or in distress. That’s the time that we need sound advice, guidance, and support. But, that is the time we often go to the wrong and worst place to get it – our own head.

I was coaching an executive who wanted to advance his career and get the promotion he felt he deserved. The executive was generally a passionate and expressive person and leader. But, every time he had opportunities to promote himself, his skills and his accomplishments in front of his peers, boss and other superiors he froze or held back. It was as if he became a different person. When we tried to get to the source of this dynamic I learned that whilst outwardly the executive appeared confident and bold, internally he often doubted and second-guessed himself. When he wasn’t paying attention to his internal noise he behaved as his authentic self. But when he did it was quite a different matter.

Another senior executive I was coaching often lost his temper when he disagreed with peers, especially when they criticized his function. He was a very smart and powerful leader. He knew that his outbursts derailed management team conversations, and hurt his reputation. However, it was hard for him to change his ways because his personal thoughts were telling him that his peers were, in fact, trying to undermine and marginalize his function. His thoughts and feelings were so real and strong that it took a lot of persuasion effort to make him see that maybe they were not true.

Another example, I was supporting a leader who had lost his job four months earlier in a downsizing initiative, after working in that same company for more than 20 years. He hadn’t been able to find a new job, he felt as if that the sky had fallen. He was distraught and it was hard for him to see possibilities beyond his feelings. He said things like: “I will never find another job or company like the one I was fired from,” and “no one will hire me at my age.” He shared with me that at a certain point it was hard for him to get out of bed because he didn’t feel he had something worthwhile to get up for.

I could relate to all three examples from my own life experiences. I have been there in distressed situations when things did not pan out the way I had hoped. At the time, these situations were disappointing, upsetting and even depressing. But, what often made it worst is listening to my personal thoughts and conversations saying things like: “I should have had a more realistic goal”, “How can I show my face in public? ” and “I’ll probably never be able to achieve this dream”.

It is often said that we are our worst critics. And that is true. Our personal thoughts and concerns are often undermining, guilt-driven and very convincing. They seem so real, true and objective, that it is often hard to think beyond them.

However, think about this rationally, if you wanted advice in an important area of your life would you go to someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind, or would you go to someone you trust, who understands what you want, knows what it takes and is committed to helping you get there? It’s a no-brainer.

Your own private thoughts, concerns, and conversations are often the worst place to get sound and effective advice that will make a difference in helping you reach a new level – especially when you are dealing with upsetting situations. So, stop listening to them!

Why?

Because our private ‘thoughts and concerns’ are often like ‘Statler and Waldorf’, the two old men from The Muppet Show, who sit in the balcony seats and make sarcastic comments about everything that goes on in the show. Our personal thoughts and concerns have one main agenda – to keep us in our comfort zone. They don’t want you to stick your neck out too far, take risks or express yourself too passionately. So, when they give you consoling and supportive advice, and you listen and buy it – don’t be mistaken – you pay a hefty price tag of disempowering yourself.

So, what could you do instead?

Find someone who knows you, believes in you, is committed to you, and someone who can see straight – ask them for advice and coaching, and then listen to everything they say – do what they tell you to do, no matter what your personal noise says about it. Yes, you may have to “fake it ’til you make it” at first, but if you stay the course and stay out of your head for long enough, you will start seeing clearly again, and you will start feeling back in the saddle.

So, if you resonate with all this, here are a few other practical tips for staying out of your head:

1. Communicate –When you communicate in an open, honest, courageous and authentic way you can transform your reality, establish deep love and connection, heal ailments and achieve extraordinary accomplishments. Communicating is the opposite, perhaps even contradiction of being in your head. In fact, when you find yourself stuck, communicate how you feel with someone you trust and you will see how quickly you will feel better and return to yourself. Even though most of us know all this – we often tend to avoid communicating in the most critical moments when it is most important and needed to communicate.
2. Journal – Journaling has almost the same impact to communicating. Just instead of speaking to someone else you are emptying all your thoughts onto paper without censorship. I got exposed to journaling more than 20 years ago through Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” (http://juliacameronlive.com/) I still practice journaling from time to time, especially when I am at a crossroads, need to make an important decision, want to plan the next chapter of my professional or personal life or want to stay centered and clear headed in challenging times. I strongly recommend this practice as a powerful way to stay out of your head and in the real game.
3. Take action – Small actions. One step at a time. Every day say what you will do the next day and do it. You can even write it down or have a partner to hold you to account. At the end of each day acknowledge what you did and what you missed and commit again to the next day of a few clear actions. If you do this you will see that your promises become larger and more meaningful and your achievement rate is higher too.
4. Be around positive and empowering people – Stay around positive and empowering people who always believe in you, give you energy, relate to you as great and never allow you to buy into your internal disempowering thoughts and concerns.

Make 2017 the best year ever!

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I love new beginnings. Starting a new year, chapter or phase brings with it new possibilities and hope.

Whether you want to improve your financial situation, increase your health or fitness, find true love or find your dream job, at the start of a new cycle we often feel that we have another chance to realize our goals—including those we tried but didn’t achieve before. I find this space of possibility and opportunity extremely empowering and exciting.

However, in order to truly experience a fresh start, you have to first understand and accept the fact that new possibilities and hope exist in your own heart and mind, not in the external circumstances. In fact, your ability to realize a fresh start depends on how you think and speak. The only person who can give you a fresh start and new beginning is you.

For example, I have a friend who has had his share of challenging circumstances. Every time I ask him how he is doing he says something to the effect of “Same day, different shit!”. Pretty much every time I talk with my friend about new possibilities and try to help him change his predicament, he is quick to push back and explain to me how things just can’t be different given his circumstances. I haven’t given up on him yet, but I am definitely less inclined to engage in these conversations any longer.

As another example, in my corporate work, I often encounter people who say they are open minded but when others try to enroll them in new possibilities, they are quick to push back and provide all the reasons for why these new ideas won’t work. When I point this out, they explain that their point of view is simply pragmatic, realistic, or merely giving an accurate account of the way things are. But most people around them experience them as skeptical, cynical, closed-minded or often simply negative.

Sometimes in order to create a fresh start you need to let go of old perceptions about yourself, the world, and/or people around you—especially the perceptions that have constrained your ability to improve yourself and your circumstances. Sometimes you need to forgive others or even harder – yourself – for past mistakes, shortfalls and disappointments that you are still holding on to, or holding a grudge about. And, sometimes you simply need to change your point of view, interpretation or conclusion about past events from disempowering to empowering.

And, if you are reading this and thinking to yourself: “I am so open minded, that I can’t see where I could improve in this area?” my advice to you is – ask someone who knows you well, loves you and who will tell you the truth to give you feedback, and then receive their input with openness.

In order to create 2017 as a great year, start by explicitly and boldly declaring what you want to, and what you will achieve in the new year. The notion of striving and working toward a future state that you are looking forward to and are excited about today is a very empowering one.

Use whatever framework works best for you to capture your objectives.

Here is one option that you may find helpful. Use the following questions as steps to create your 2017:

  1. What are the key areas of my life that I would like to move forward in 2017? By areas I mean life categories that would help you organize your thoughts. Potential areas could include Finances, Career, Job, Health, Family, and Love etc.
  2. In each of the key areas – what are the specific objectives I will achieve? In each area, you will most likely have a few objectives. For examples your objectives could look like: (1) Double my income, (2) Find true love, (3) Deepen my intimacy with my family, and (4) Get healthy and fit.
  3. In each objective – what are the specific projects I will take on to fulfill my objective? For some objectives, there could be one project. For others, the objective will become the project. However, for the more complex objectives, you may need a few parallel projects. For example: If you have a commitment to get healthy and fit, you may have a few projects: (1) Register to the gym and go 3 times each week, (2) see a nutritionist and start eating based on a health plan, and (3) Get rid of all my old clothes and but X new ones. Make sure the projects have clear end results, milestones, and execution plan.

After you have mapped these three levels of areas, objectives and projects summarize all your actions for the next 90, 60 and 30 days and make sure you review them every week or two.

New Year’s Resolutions have a bad reputation mainly because we say them out-loud, but we don’t follow up and follow through on them. If you want 2017 to be different, share your objectives and projects with one or more of your closest friends, family members, and/or professional associates and ask them to hold you to account for your 90, 60 and 30-day action plan. Schedule follow-up conversations with them to review progress and adhere to these, even if you are behind.

You have a choice whether to make 2017 the best year ever or merely another year filled with compromised desires and cynical explanations.

I wish for all of us that 2017 will be the best year ever!

 

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Complete 2016 in a meaningful way

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As we enter the holiday season and end of 2016 it seems appropriate and timely to write something about “completing the year.”

Completing a phase, period, initiative or task effectively is just as powerful and rewarding as starting or executing these effectively. However, it seems as if most people tend to focus more on the starting and executing part. We underestimate the power and value of completing things effectively, not merely finishing or ending them.

The dictionary defines finishing as ‘bringing a task or activity to an end.’ It defines Completing as ‘making something whole or perfect’.

We don’t have to do anything for something to end. It is the nature of the world. Things begin, go through their cycle and end. A year, a project or a lifetime, it’s all the same. But, in order to complete things – or more accurately to feel complete with activities or situations – we need to apply a deliberate and mindful focus and awareness.

How do you complete things?

If you review the year’s events without the distinction completion in mind, you are likely to focus on the cold facts of what actually happened. You will ask yourself things like: “What did I do?”, “What didn’t I do?”, and “What results did I achieve?”. While you may find intellectual satisfaction in taking stock of this year’s events in the most factual, objective and accurate way, this information won’t empower or uplift your spirit and soul.

In contrast, if you look at 2016 through the lens of completion you will be compelled to push your thinking and reflection beyond the cold facts of what happened to a deeper level. You will be compelled to own ‘what happened’ and ‘what didn’t happen’ in a more meaningful way.

You will ask yourself questions such as “What did I accomplish?”, “What did I learn?”, “Where and how did I grow?” and “How am I better, stronger and more prepared for the future?”. This type of taking stock will make you feel more satisfied and complete.

In fact, the idea of success and failure is an interpretation, not a fact. You can feel victorious and successful even when you haven’t met your goals. And, you can feel defeated and a failure when you did meet your goals. The feeling of success or failure is determined by the completion conversation.

Completing the past will enable you to put things in a better perspective. It will help you put the past behind you, and this will leave you feeling freer, stronger and more empowered and excited to focus on the future with a clean slate.

However, if you leave things incomplete, past incompletions could haunt you and cloud your thoughts, plans, and aspirations for the future. Furthermore, you could become more hesitant because of past failures and/or blindly confident because of past successes. In both cases, you would be reacting to your past and that won’t be effective or satisfying.

The good news is that you can bring a completion view to your past at any moment, no matter how good or bad things were. You just need to take stock, draw empowering conclusions from past events and then declare the past complete. It requires taking a stand, and it takes courage. But, you can do it!

How to complete 2016 in a meaningful way:

So – as we are ending 2016, reflect on your year. First, make the list of the facts – what happened, what you did and didn’t do. It’s useful to start there. But don’t end there.

Ask yourself:

  1. What did I accomplish?
  2. What did I learn?
  3. Where and how did I grow and improve in the areas I care about?
  4. How did I forward my bigger personal and professional vision and purpose?
  5. What am I most grateful for?
  6. Who do I want to recognize and thank? (Make sure you tell them.)

Once you declare 2016 complete, you will feel a sense of satisfaction, peace, and fulfillment. In that space, you can powerfully start creating next year to be your best year ever.

Wishing you and your family a Happy Holiday Season and Happy New Year!

Is your team political and cautious or authentic and courageous?

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Most teams avoid the tough, uncomfortable conversations. In most cases, team members tend to delay or avoid giving honest and direct feedback and coaching to each other. People especially avoid giving negative criticisms and feedback – even if these are necessary and would make a difference.

Even when team members do attempt to say what’s really on their minds, their lack of courage often leads to things being said in such a diplomatic and sugarcoated way that the impact of the message is lost in its tepid delivery.

While at times diplomacy works and it may allow team members to address some problems efficiently, many critical issues demand an energy, passion and direction that cannot be gained from adherence to cautious, “be careful” behaviors.

For example, when a team needs to make tough decisions around budgets, resources, headcounts and other areas that require prioritization and tradeoffs or are considered power and status currency, people have to have dialogue in an open, honest, courageous and effective way, with no compromise or taking the safe way out.

Despite all of the theories explaining the complexities of team effectiveness, from my experience, 95% of the challenges, problems, and dysfunctions existing within teams are due to team members simply being afraid to ‘rock the boat’ or resigned about their abilities to make a difference.

I am sure many leaders would deny it’s the lack of willingness to speak up that leads to conflicts, lack of alignment and collaboration, and status quo.  They would rather blame others for their unfavorable circumstances and for their lack of open, honest, authentic, courageous and effective conversations.

Even at the highest levels, leaders fear giving straight feedback and rocking the boat for fear of failing or being viewed as incompetent, trouble makers or as selfish. I have also seen leaders unwilling to make themselves vulnerable out of a fear of being viewed as soft, weak, or ineffective. Alternatively, they are so convinced nothing will come of any heroic efforts that they succumb to the pervasive mindset of, ‘Why stick my neck out?’ and it’s political adaptive maneuver, ‘Pick your battles’.

The consequences of the politics and caution are grave. Here are some examples which I am sure you can recognize:

  1. Team members make tentative and contingent commitments by saying yes and agreeing to decisions they are not fully aligned with. They then go off and do their own version of the commitment made, blame circumstances when they fail to live up to their part of the commitment or say “I was never fully on board with this.”
  2. Team members tolerate confusion and misunderstanding in discussions and then use those as justifications when things don’t get done.
  3. People see that things are going to breakdown, and they don’t say anything about it.
  4. People have negative points of view or criticism about their colleagues, or even their boss, which undermine team trust, but they don’t confront them.
  5. In meetings, team members know that there is an elephant in the room and something is not being said, but they don’t want to be the one to bring it up.
  6. ‘Yes’ does not mean ‘yes’, ‘no’ does not mean ‘no’ and a ‘promise’ is not a ‘promise’. Instead, people sit in the meeting, choosing what they say or don’t say based on being politically correct or covering their asses. Everyone knows there is no real alignment or agreement, but no one will say it.
  7. Rather than confront a colleague directly with their concerns, team members engage in undermining backchannel conversations about their fellow team members or their departments.
  8. Team members spend a great deal of energy looking over their shoulders, being suspicious about others’ agendas, and overall protecting themselves from being screwed over or surprised by others.

But in order for any meaningful dialogue to take place and key objectives to be met, team members need first be honest with themselves about their authentic feelings and thoughts and then muster up the courage to communicate them to the team at large. This includes saying those things that leave one afraid of being blacklisted and unpopular and pissing other people off, including the boss.

And just how does one get the courage it takes for this authentic conversation to take place? It is not, as popular opinion would have it, by having no fear, but the exact opposite.

Courage lies in embracing the fear, acknowledging it and speaking up anyway. In fact, the prerequisite for courage is fear.

If you’re not afraid to speak, you don’t need the courage to do so.

 

How committed do you have to be?

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Commitment often plays center-stage in our lives. Whether we are trying to lose weight, get in shape, get a promotion, make more money or achieve objectives, we often think in terms of being committed to the cause.

If we want to achieve an objective we know “we have to be committed.” When our friends and colleagues give us advice they often accuse us of not being committed enough, and they tell us to be “more committed.” And, when we fall short in our desired outcomes, we often beat ourselves up and feel guilty about the fact that we are simply “not committed enough”

On the other hand, some of us take commitment to the extreme opposite. We are so obsessed with carrying out our commitment that we often act with extreme intensity and drive ourselves to serious stress. We plan our every action, measure our every milestone or intake, announce our every achievement and fall apart with every setback. Our friends and colleagues often look at us with worry. They regard us as obsessive and fanatics and their advice is often to lighten up, chill or simply “stop taking your commitment so seriously!”

So, the question is: “How committed do we need to be to succeed?”

There are those who believe that in order to succeed you have to be completely and absolutely committed and dedicated to your cause, with extreme discipline and no hesitation or excuses.

I was once listening to a webinar about commitment, by a known performance expert, during the lecture they said something to the effect of “It’s not enough to WANT something or even be COMMITTED to it. In order to succeed, you have to feel like you MUST have it, or MUST achieve it. To succeed you must be prepared to live in the mindset: “Failure is not an option,” and “No alternative”.

Well, that makes complete sense to me. However, it’s probably extremely challenging and stressful for most of us to live this way.

On the other hand, if you become too attached to your commitment or outcome you are likely to fall into the trap of over-identifying with it and as a result determining your self-worth or validity by the degree to which you have achieved your commitments.

That is not a healthy dependency either. If you don’t achieve your goal or milestone you are likely to feel invalidated. It’s the classic “I am a failure” versus “I failed”. How many of us have experienced that tailspin in our life?x

I have seen so many people who feel that only if and when they get the promotion they’ve been seeking… or make the income and buy house…they’ve been hoping for… then they would have made it. I have heard rich and successful people say “only one more big deal…”, but then when they made another million they didn’t even stop to enjoy it. They immediately started chasing the next one and the next one.

So, what do you do – stop caring about your goals, or start treating them casually?

NO!

Commitment is one of those magical areas that requires a balancing act of contradicting forces. You have to remain relentlessly committed, but at the same time don’t get too attached.

Think about it like sport. You play to win – like your life depends on it. However, at the end of the game, no matter who won or lost, you thank your opponent, go have a beer together and remember: it is only a game.

If you focus too much on the “it’s a matter of life and death” part you could easily let things get out of hand. You could easily become one of these athletes or fans who crosses the line of violence, inappropriate conduct and/or unethical behavior, not to mention simply not enjoying the game.

On the other hand, if you focus too much on the “it doesn’t matter because it’s just a game” part, your pursuit would probably become boring, you would become uninspired, and your performance and results would be compromised.

So, if you want to remain focused, energized and sane regarding your ambitions and aspirations, remember to always balance your commitment with equal portions of relentless passion and humble insignificance.

Do Senior Leaders have the courage to confront and own their shortfalls?

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If you want to elevate your team to a new level of ownership, accountability and performance you have to start by taking stock of, and owning your current reality and past.

You have to confront what worked, what didn’t work and what still isn’t working. Sometimes, you even have to take responsibility for things that happened before you arrived.

Why is this important?

Because when you are honest and own your past it is easier to put it behind you. You can then create the space for a powerful new chapter, unlimited by past constraints.

If you focus too much on the things that worked, you can easily get comfortable, complacent and/or arrogant, and that could limit your ability to do new things and improve on what is working.

If you avoid looking at your past, you won’t learn the lessons that it has to offer and you can easily repeat the same mistakes in the future.

Obviously, it’s easier for leaders to take responsibility for the good things. In fact, many leaders don’t like to review the things that haven’t worked, especially if they feel issues and shortfalls are associated with them in some way.

In fact, many leaders don’t like to review the things that haven’t worked, especially if they feel issues and shortfalls are associated with them in some way.

Take, for example, one leader who was promoted to the highest position in their global function after being the number two for many years. Being a global support function inside a sales organization, this function struggled for many years with its credibility and reputation. Its customers didn’t feel the function was providing the value and impact they wanted. As a result team members felt criticized, under-valued and demotivated. In fact, many managers and employees in the function also felt that their senior management was too caught up in silo and political games, instead of providing the team with a powerful direction, priorities, support and air coverage to do a good job.

When the new leader took the job, everyone was hoping for change. But, first people wanted an opportunity to express their frustrations about the past, including feedback about the new leader. They wanted to be heard. They wanted the new leader to listen and acknowledge what hadn’t worked.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen because the leader was unwilling to hear criticism about himself or past performance or the dynamic of the function, which he felt was being associated with him.

Another very senior executive in a different global company, also head of a global function, avoided and prohibited any discussion about past failures with her team. Team members wanted desperately to bring up, acknowledge and address the political issues that had held this function back from being world class for so long. However, their boss wouldn’t hear of it. When team members attempted to bring up past issues or criticism, in meetings, in order to move beyond them, she would shut down the conversation.

When I asked her why she was doing that she said: “Discussing our past ailments and failures only brings our past back and this prevents us from moving forward.”

I see the same types of mindset and dynamics in so many teams. In fact, I have seen several cases leaders avoided entering a much-needed change initiative just because of their fear of confronting their shortfalls.

So, why is it so hard for leaders to deal with the past?

Most leaders either don’t know how to confront past issues in a productive way. Like our first example, many leaders simply take the bad stuff too personally.

And, like our second leader, many leaders feel that if they don’t bring bad issues up it makes them go away. This is not true! In fact, when you are honest and own your past, it’s easier to put it behind you. Then you can create a space for a powerful new chapter, unlimited by past constraints.

If you are defensive about the past or avoid it or try to build a new future on top of it, the undercurrent will keep dragging you down. And, even if you are able to produce great results, it will usually come with people collateral damage.

Of course, I also have examples of senior leaders who are genuinely open and interested in confronting and taking ownership of past issues and shortfalls, including their own. In my experience, these leaders have generated much greater results with much higher motivation and sense of fulfillment in their teams.

You would think that the most senior leaders would be the most mature and self-confident, therefore they would be less threatened by criticism and more open and prepared to hear it. But, unfortunately experience has shown me that it’s often not the case. Senior leaders are often less open to embrace and admit mistakes, or take responsibility for things that they did or didn’t do that caused others to suffer.

Do you have the courage to confront and own past shortfalls?

 

 

 

Don’t forget to give thanks!

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This week, Americans are celebrating their Thanksgiving holiday. I am not American but I love Thanksgiving because I find the premise and practice of focusing on our life’s blessings and fortunes, as well as expressing gratitude to the people we respect and love, to be extremely healthy, empowering, and necessary to all people in all cultures and geographies.I recently came across a quote from Swindoll that is apropos to this topic: “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.”

This quote represents such truth!

On a daily basis, we encounter circumstances and situations that give us the opportunity to choose our outlook, mood, and course of action. Sometimes we relate to our circumstances as misfortunate, and, as a result, we feel upset or defeated. At other times, we relate to what life dealt us as fortune and therefore we feel victorious, grateful, and energized.

When we are stuck in a rut and view the glass as half empty, this perspective colors our entire experience of things. Have you ever noticed that when we are upset about one thing, we tend to see other things that are not working, too?

However, when we focus on the glass being half full, this perspective uplifts, empowers, and energizes us. We see all the good things and opportunities around us.

We are often so consumed by the minutia of our daily life that we forget that we really have a choice about how we view and react to things around us.

The reason I love Thanksgiving so much is that this holiday is a designated period in the year when we attempt to deliberately be positive and only focus on the good things around us– our blessings, fortunes and things we are grateful for.

Too many people spend too much of their time being negative about things.

The world would be a better place if more people expressed more gratitude more often.

May we all use this holiday as an “excuse” to start fully giving thanks to everything and everyone in our life that we love and respect.

Don’t take any of it for granted.

Regardless of your nationality, I wish you a great Thanksgiving!

A salute to Paris and Parisians.

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I am dedicating this week’s blog to Paris and the Parisians.

My blog is called Leading and Living Courageously, and I believe this week the Parisians deserve this designation.

During the weekend terror attacks in Paris, there were so many acts of courage and bravery by ordinary citizens who went out of their way to help their fellow citizens.

I heard stories about people who took injured strangers into their homes and treated them until the emergency units arrived…. People who took strangers in for the night because they couldn’t get home… taxi drivers who drove people back to their homes in the middle of the night without charging them for it… and many other acts of bravery and kindness.

People then gathered back at the Place de la Republique Square the next day, despite the warning of the security forces, in order to show solidarity in remembering and honoring the fallen victims of these tragic terror attacks.

I have clients and friends in Paris. Throughout the week, as I was in touch with many of them, I was inspired by their brave spirit of optimism, perseverance, and determination to not let the terrorists stop or hinder the liberal, passionate, and life-loving life of Paris and France.

This week I salute the Parisians for their inspiring courage!

May we all have a safe week!

Taking a stand ALWAYS requires courage

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No matter how committed we are to living courageously, and how experienced we are at taking a stand for the future and living accordingly, it doesn’t seem to get easier or less scary with time.

I have been a student and teacher of these concepts and conversations for more than 30 years. I practice them in my own personal and professional life, and I teach and coach others to do the same. Still, with all my experience, every time I need to take a stand in my life, I find myself confronting my own fears, doubts and skepticisms.

It takes openness, faith, trust and courage to live consistently with your stand and commitment.

Openness to the idea that our internal mindset and commitment really do affect, impact and shape our external world and circumstances.

Most people don’t reach this level of enlightenment. They are too skeptical, pragmatic or close-minded to even consider or accept the notion that there is more to life than what they can physically see. Whether it is Religion, Astrology, or the Law of Attraction, I often hear smart and successful people reject these by saying things like, “I don’t believe in that Voodoo, BS or Nonsense stuff…”

Faith and trust in your own ability to take your life to a new level, starting with a bold stand. Also, have faith and trust that the universe will reciprocate consistently with your commitment and energy.

Even when people believe in the Law of Attraction notion, many don’t believe that it could work for them – that their life could ever be as blissful as they truly desire. So, they maintain a conceptual, theoretical and academic mindset about these transformational topics. I often hear people give others ‘taking the next level’ advice when they themselves avoid doing the same, even though they desperately want and need to.

Courage to take a stand for what you want and bet your future on that stand – even when your current circumstances are quite different from your desired state, and people around you may judge you for being naïve and unrealistic.

Most people, despite what they may say to the contrary, are too comfortable in their personal and professional status quo. They may talk about change, but most don’t get up and do something about it, even when their circumstances are challenging, unfulfilling and dissatisfying. They are too afraid to take a stand and ‘go for it’ for risk of failing, disappointing themselves or others, or simply appearing naive or not credible in the eyes of people around them who they respect and like.

There is a big difference between “wanting to change” and actually “changing.” Most of us are much better at the first.

We are creatures of habit. We like continuity, stability, familiarity, and predictability. We need it to feel confident and safe. We fear change and the unknown.

Taking a stand for a better future brings about change, unknown and unpredictable directions, and dynamics. This is counter-intuitive to our ‘keep things the same’ orientation. It disrupts our order and fundamentally scares us.

That is why taking a stand will ALWAYS require courage.

Photo by: The U.S. Army

 

Glen Campbell – a true hero

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I recently watched the CNN documentary “I’ll Be Me” about Glen Campbell, and if you haven’t seen it yet, I can’t say enough to recommend it.

The following is an excerpt from the program’s write-up:

“Two years ago, music icon Glen Campbell was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and told to hang up his guitar and prepare for the inevitable. Instead, Glen and his wife, Kim, went public with the diagnosis and announced that he and his family would set out on a Good Bye Tour. Even the optimists predicted the tour would only last a couple of months. Not only did Glen exceed everyone’s expectations, but what began as a six-week tour, quickly grew into a triumphant year of him playing sold out venues across America. The film documents this extraordinary journey as he and his family attempt to navigate the wildly unpredictable nature of Glen’s progressing disease by using love, laughter, and music as their medicine of choice.”

I listened to Glen’s music on occasion and always thought he was very talented. However, this documentary gave me a whole new perspective about Glen and the truly brave and generous man, husband, father and human being that he is

Glen and his family touched me to my core. I was both inspired and moved to tears by their courage to share their journey with Alzheimer’s in such an open and authentic way. I appreciate their humility to expose their most personal vulnerabilities to millions of people, and their generosity to let the world into their family’s life and history during such a difficult time. And, they did it with such heartfelt humor and class.

Sometimes we lose perspective about what is most important in our lives. We feel that the burning problem of the day is our biggest obstacle to our happiness. I am definitely guilty of this at times. This documentary is a must see. It will give you a healthy perspective about what is truly important, while inspiring and empowering you, and reminding you to count your blessings. All of these are essential to leading and living courageously.

Here is the link for the official “I’ll Be Me” movie trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAtgraWN5-I

Let’s all have a great week!

Photo by:Jean-Baptiste Bellet

Create and achieve more possibilities for yourself

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When people believe a goal, ambition or dream is unattainable or unlikely to be achieved, they usually do not invest their time, heart and effort to pursue it. In plain words, they don’t go after it.

For most people this is how the story begins and where it typically ends.

However, so many people have desires, ambitions and dreams that they sincerely want to achieve and have not done so. They may have believed in these dreams in the past or even made attempts to pursue them. But, if they felt challenged or simply didn’t succeed, they gave up their efforts.

I meet so many people who have become resigned about “having it all” in certain areas of their life. People usually have convincing stories and explanations about what is “realistic” and what is not. Overall, they believe they can’t fully have what they want in some or all parts of their life. Even if they don’t convince me, I can tell they have convinced themselves.

“I don’t have enough time,” “I am too busy with work and/or family,” “I don’t have enough money,” “the time is not right,” “it’s tough out there,” “I am not good/experienced in this,” or “I probably don’t want it badly enough.” I think I have heard them all.

Our excuses and explanations are valid and legitimate. But, they disempower us because they promote the notion that we are smaller than our circumstances.

I don’t claim that we can achieve anything and everything that we want in our lifetime… and perhaps that is because of the boundaries of my beliefs. However, I truly believe that most people can achieve and have much more than they believe they can.

If you agree that people only take action when they believe it is feasible the question is “How do we make an idea feasible in our mind?”

I want to share a little technique that could be useful in this regard. Try this by following the few outlined steps. You can do this in conversation with someone or by writing your responses and thoughts in your notebook:

Step 1: Identify and call out an area where you want to achieve, do or have more.

Step 2: Clearly articulate what you want and what you are committed to in this area.

  • In other words, describe the desirable end state of this area. What does it look like when you are truly satisfied and happy?

Step 3: Ask yourself the question: “What COULD I do, or what COULD be done in order to achieve my desired result or to make progress toward it?”

  • As you can see that the instrumental word here is COULD.
  • The word “could” implies possibility. It keeps your thinking open and unrestricted from the constraints and obligations of commitment or action.
  • When you think, speculate and explore from the space of “What could be done?” you are much more inclined to think outside your box.

Step 4: Ask yourself the question: “What WILL I do to achieve my desired result or make progress toward it?”

  • Only go to the fourth step after you feel you have done a good job coming up with answers to the third step.
  • You don’t have to commit to anything if you don’t want to. However, if you don’t commit to what could achieve your desired result or make progress toward it at least you can be confident that the issue is not the circumstances.
  • You can always commit later if you are not ready now.
  • Lastly, if you choose to delay action, I strongly recommend you give up complaining or feeling helpless about your circumstances.
  • Ultimately, you must give up being a victim.

Try these steps and see how much possibility you can create.

 

Why is Leadership so important NOW?

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In today’s market environment, thriving and struggling businesses alike seem to be experiencing increasing challenges in competitive, economic and market conditions.

In these times when the business opportunities and challenges are bountiful and the tangible material and physical resources such as budgets, expenses, resources and travel are scarce, most leaders I speak to seem to feel a growing need to unleash and promote the intangible assets. They seek to boost the mental and leadership energy, creativity, ownership and resourcefulness of individuals and the team as a whole.

Leaders often talk about the fact that in today’s environment “the only constant is change.” In this environment, any team weaknesses or dysfunctionalities that could have been avoided or overlooked in stable times can’t be ignored. Obstacles to success must be addressed and fixed in challenging times in order for the team to work at its full potential.

Unfortunately, most individuals and teams in organizations are quite reactive to circumstances, so when things are going well, they feel strong, empowered and focused. But when there is a lot of change and/or circumstances make a turn for the worst – they often lose their cool confidence and inner balance and get into an individual and collective funk.

The longer circumstances stay challenging, the worse morale and confidence usually get. This eventually affects performance and results in a negative way. I am seeing this happen in many companies.

It gets worse when people listen to the media and hear stations like CNN constantly bombarding the screen with gloom and doom. And, the more people hear about companies who are laying off people, the worse this morale and confidence downward spiral gets.

This vicious circle is avoidable when people and teams have the right leadership mindset and competency to self-generate their own attitudes and mindsets, no matter what the circumstances are.

In my last blog I quoted Alan Kay who said “The best way to predict the future is to invent it.”

Can you imagine the possibilities any team could generate when its entire workforce genuinely believes that “no matter what the circumstances are – we can invent our future and control our own destiny?”

Thinking and behaving in this way allows people to own their thoughts, behaviors and actions. It equips and empowers everyone to catch and stop the negative, disempowering and fear-based or stress-based feelings and conversations before they take over. People then can turn a negative dynamic and atmosphere into a more positive, productive and energizing one.

The notion of inventing the future allows people to stay centered and focused when things are turbulent around them.

When people understand the power associated with inventing the future rather than merely reacting to it, they start creating exciting objectives, projects, milestones and events to work on in the present. This creates even greater possibilities to look forward to in the future.

Unfortunately, I still see many team environments in which circumstances are challenging and victim-mentality becomes accepted and rampant. In these situations, people excuse and justify poor performance and low morale.

However, when the entire team is in that same positive, proactive and self-generative mindset, people go out of their way to support, empower and encourage each other to go beyond and behave in an un-circumstantial, un-stoppable way. I have actually seen teams that have used these phrases as mantra’s to become a high performance team.