Do you have the courage for brutal honesty?

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I love working with leaders who are relentless about driving a culture of open, honest and courageous communication around them. These leaders are committed to high performance and they have zero interest in, or tolerance for, internal drama or politics. They operate at a high level of personal integrity, authenticity, and ownership. And they expect and demand the same from people around them.

They make it difficult – if not impossible – for people to get away with doing the things that undermine and weaken the organization: point fingers, adopt a victim mentality, indulge in destructive politics, and “cover-your-ass” behaviors that distract from the goals of the organization.

Even if these behaviors are very subtle, they drain energy and waste everyone’s time. Eventually, people begin to feel that they cannot make a difference, and the organization loses focus and cannot achieve the results it seeks. In today’s environment of growing competition and limited resources, no company can afford this.

I was working with a senior leadership team of a large and successful telecom company. At the start of our engagement I interviewed all the senior leaders and a handful of managers that report to them to gain insight into the starting condition of the organization and teams. The interviews revealed significant issues and dysfunctionalities in the levels of trust, cohesion, collaboration and communication between functions and between the senior leaders themselves, including the CEO. When I presented my findings pretty much everyone confirmed the issues. While people were somewhat startled by my summary, everyone also seemed extremely relieved that the truth was out.

We set out to drive change. However, every time I tried to engage the senior leaders in a direct conversation about their dysfunctionalities they were reluctant to do so. While there were no disagreements about the issues, the CEO and some of the leaders took these personally and therefore, despite their declarations to the contrary, they avoided facing them at all cost. From my standpoint, they lacked the courage to engage with brutal honesty. As time passed the second tier managers became more and more frustrated and discouraged about the lack of progress. People disengaged and invested less of their commitment, passion, and energy in the change initiative. As a result, progress stalled and cynicism grew.

Any manager can be the catalyst for breaking undermining patterns, reversing past damage and creating a high-performance team dynamic – if they are willing to be a courageous leader, role model this behavior, and call his or her people to account for it too. In an environment where people are used to only voicing what they think their leaders want to hear, managers need to stand for a new code of empowering honesty, refusing to settle for any less than that!

No matter which method they use, leaders must make their unconditional commitment to honesty known, and they must convince their people that they mean it. It’s not enough to declare it. They need to demonstrate through action that they are genuinely open to feedback, criticism, and input, including about themselves.

As one of my clients once admitted:

“It takes 10 rights to fix 1 wrong, and 1 wrong to undermine 10 rights.“

This leadership philosophy of open, honest, authentic and courageous communication can be messy, lonely and painful at times. However, time and again, I have seen it lead to significant transformations inside organizations. In fact, clients have repeatedly shared with me that creating a new level of communication at work has also made them a better person in their personal life, changing the way they relate to their children and their spouses. One CEO even told me once, “It saved my marriage“.

I am not a marriage counselor, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers. However, one thing I do know is that when organizations have the courage to be authentic every day, a powerful platform of authentic team ownership, commitment and accountability emerges. The team is then equipped and energized to focus on any challenge or opportunity that lies ahead, no matter how unfamiliar, complex, or difficult it may be.

As a result, the team becomes unstoppable.

Are you willing to be empowered and great?

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In last week’s blog, I spoke about how to develop and enhance your ability to see and own progress in any circumstance, even when you are facing challenges and adversity. I made the claim that doing this will enhance your positive outlook, energy, and sense of empowerment.

I also recommended a practical exercise that could strengthen your muscles in this area and I added the question:

“If it is so easy to do this, why doesn’t everyone – especially those who are frequently complaining that “nothing is progressing” – grab this mindset and approach with open arms?”

In this week’s blog, I want to get a bit deeper into this question. In fact, I want to push the question further and ask: Why do people resist being empowered and great?!

This may seem like an odd question. Who wouldn’t want to be empowered and great? Perhaps it’s not as obvious as it seems.

It is my life goal to ignite, energize and empower people. In fact, I am fortunate enough to have this as my job. I ignite, energize and empower people and teams in the workplace environment.

I spend a lot of time and energy reminding people just how great and able they are and can be. When people are cognizant to their greatness in one area of their life, they seem to carry it over into other areas. In fact, as we all know when people feel great it can be quite contagious to others around them.

But I have noticed that often people are not that eager to experience themselves as great, powerful, resourceful, able and larger than their obstacles and circumstances.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I have been in where people were adamantly trying to convince me that they are just not capable or good enough for, or up to the challenge or opportunity they were facing.

It seems that people are afraid that if they accept themselves as great, enabled, empowered and unstoppable, they would have to admit and own that they have the capability and power to create, produce and have so much more than they do today.

Think about it, if you are un-empowered you will aspire to lower standards and goals, you will have fewer opportunities in front of you, you will expect less and you will have less accountability to deliver and have great things. You will also be able to get away with more excuses for why you can’t do things. By experiencing yourself as smaller than your problems and circumstances, you always have a way out.

You also do not have to challenge yourself, to change or think beyond your comfort zone. This is an easier and safer way to live. If you become empowered, if you begin living courageously, you would have to bring creativity, innovation, and resourcefulness to key aspects of your life, and even if you have the talent to do it, this would be scary.

However, the direct consequence of staying un-empowered is dire. Self-expression, self-esteem, and confidence are eroded. You are likely to not pursue and achieve your real dreams. And there is a constant feeling that “maybe I am missing out on something, selling out or not living to my full potential”.

By simply confronting and owning the benefits and costs of adopting the un-empowered mindset and life, you can regain your natural ability to choose. You could choose courageous living, and by doing so reclaim your self-expression and power.

I urge you to look in the mirror and ask yourself: ”How great am I willing to be?“

Are you making progress every day?

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I was facilitating a session with a group of managers in a global technology company. We were a few months into their change initiative and I wanted to find out how things were progressing since we started.

I asked them to take a few minutes and come up with a list of the areas where they have seen progress and improvement since we started. One of the managers threw out a cynical comment “Well, that list will be short!“.

As it turned out their list of accomplishments was actually not short at all. In fact, they had made admirable progress in many key areas. However, when we got to the list written by that same manager he again insisted that: “Nothing has progressed or improved!”

I could tell that this manager had a chip on his shoulder. He was upset that certain areas that affected him and his team were not changing and improving fast enough. Unfortunately, it seemed that his frustrations were clouding his view and perspective about everything.

In my coaching work, I often come across people who seem to be stuck in the position that “nothing is changing” or “nothing has improved” even when everyone around them claims the complete opposite.

So, who is right and what is the truth?

I don’t think there is one. We often say: “I can’t believe what I am seeing!” However, I believe that in reality people actually see or don’t see what they believe.

When someone insists adamantly “nothing has improved or changed“, that says more about the person saying it, than the reality he or she are talking about.

I have a good friend who every time I ask her how she is doing she answers with some variation on: “Same shit different day!” That is ‘an attitude’, not ‘an objective summation of the truth’.

It takes a certain openness, positive outlook and talent to be able to see (and find) progress and accomplishment in any circumstance. It is an acquired skill, not something you have or don’t have. Yes, sometimes you need to squint your eyes, use a fine ruler or microscope to see the forward movement. However, if you orient yourself toward progress and accomplishment and look for it, you will always find it.

There are practical exercises you could adopt that would make you good at this. Here is one that I have been practicing for years, which has made a difference in my life:

Keep a notebook next to your bed (or somewhere handy) and at the end of each day take 15 minutes to complete the day by recording your answer to the following question:

“What are the 4-8 things I made progress in, learned and/or accomplished today?”

Don’t go to sleep before you have come up with at least 4 things. Some days it will be easy to fill the list. In fact, some days you will easily have more than 8 things. In other days, however, you will be scratching your head and searching your brain. Don’t let yourself off the hook. Do the practice and come up with at least 4 that have meaning to you. Do this for at least one month, in order for it to influence your perspective.

If you stay true to the exercise you will develop your ability to see and find progress and accomplishment in any circumstance. This will enhance your positive outlook, energy, and sense of accomplishment and progress. Ultimately it will empower you and make you experience yourself as much more powerful and able to achieve what you want.

So, if it is so easy to do this, why doesn’t everyone – especially those who are frequently complaining that “nothing is progressing” – grab this mindset and approach with open arms?

I’ll get into that in next week’s blog. See you then!

Are your managers committed to your cause or merely complying?

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Many leaders assume their managers automatically will commit to their initiative, direction or strategy. They believe they should not have to ask for their managers’ commitment.

They come from a school of thought that says that managers are obliged to align when their boss asks for it. It’s a belief to the effect of, “We shouldn’t have to beg you to get on board. This is your job. That’s what you are paid to do. This isn’t a democracy. As soon as you understand the rationale and valid business reasons for this initiative, direction or strategy, you should be fully behind it, driving it.” This attitude and assumptions are unfounded, incorrect and dangerous. It often stems from the misunderstanding that compliance is the same as, or similar to commitment. It isn’t.

Let’s be clear, low levels of commitment do not mean that people won’t do their jobs. When people are afraid of being fired because of low performance they tend to do what it takes to keep their jobs. Plus, from a less cynical viewpoint, most people are proficient enough at their jobs to perform them without needing to apply their full passion, dedication, intelligence, and commitment. We can assume the pyramids were not built by what anyone would call an enthusiastic workforce. Therefore, in most cases, lukewarm organizational commitment to a strategy or initiative will not inherently guarantee its failure.

But true commitment goes far beyond compliance. When managers are committed, they behave differently in fundamental ways:

  • They invest their hearts and souls in the cause
  • They perform their roles with passion and energy
  • They take on bold promises and commitments
  • They follow through with extraordinary levels of tenacity and perseverance; they don’t give up
  • They look out for opportunities to improve, fix and perfect things
  • They genuinely care for others who are on the journey with them
  • They ignite their people to operate at the same level.

A committed organization is one whose managers and employees work harder to accomplish their tasks. It’s a place where people anticipate problems and resolve them early before they fester. Excuses are not tolerated – only answers and actions to how problems are going to be fixed. People love coming to work. They’re more productive, creative, attentive and aware.

Contrast that with an environment of compliance, where people don’t take the new initiatives to heart. They don’t ache for it or want it in their gut. If the initiative fails, they don’t lose sleep over it. In fact, they brush it off as someone else’s fault. Because they don’t view the game as their own, they avoid expressing their views including when they feel things are not working the way they should. And, if things fail they have no problem taking out the “I told you so” card. They detach themselves emotionally from its success or failure, and by making few or no guarantees to deliver specific outcomes, they are less likely to see a personal role in making the initiatives happen.

If you wanted to join a team, which of the two would you want to be a part of?

Are you bringing leadership to your change?

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In last week’s blog “Do you know how to overcome the key barriers to change?” I outlined two key barriers that will challenge your ability to stay the course when transforming your organization to the next level, and how to overcome them.  The first one was: “Not tolerating a temporary dip in performance and/or results” and the second, “Making the focus on continuing the existing a higher priority than the focus on generating the new future.” In this blog, I will share another four barriers.

Remember, whilst all the barriers are closely related, they are distinct from each other.

Barrier 3: Buying into people’s complaints that they are too busy:

When you articulate a bold and compelling next-level future for your organization and start executing it, there will be a phase in which people will be expected to juggle both their existing objectives (i.e., their day job), while also spending time driving the new initiatives and tasks that will propel the organization toward its new future.

If you are lucky, you can hire a few additional people to support the new initiatives. However, in most cases, you can’t go out and hire a complete new crew to work on the new stuff while the current team continues to work on the existing things. The same people have to do both, and for a period of time, people will feel stretched and overwhelmed. It’s inevitable.

You can’t ignore people’s complaints. In fact, you need to think out of the box, be innovative and look for ways to do things differently, as well as motivate and incent people in this transition. This will send the right message to your team.

You also can’t buy into people’s complaints. You can’t compromise on the key principles and expectations of the change. People will see that you don’t have the resolve and courage. The consequence will be detrimental to your success.

Here is a typical example: I was working with a technology company that really needed and wanted to take their game to a new level. They set out toward a bold future that would take their sales performance, market share, culture and brand to a new level. We started with the senior leadership team and then engaged the middle managers. Everything was going very well, and everyone was excited about the new direction.

But, when they started to execute on their new initiatives reality kicked in and leaders and managers found themselves confronted with the extra work required to drive both their existing core business and their new initiatives.

The managers believed in the change so they kept pushing forward. However, the senior leaders became the issue. They started to drop the ball – they came late to initiative meetings, they didn’t keep deadlines and they complained the most. Unfortunately, instead of holding his leaders to account and demanding their role model behavior, the CEO, despite his declarations to the contrary, bought into his leaders’ complaints and tolerated their lack of leadership commitment and behavior. Eventually, the managers became discouraged and that was the end of that change!

Barrier 4: Expecting results and progress rather than relentlessly driving them:

The operative word here is “expecting”. During change initiatives, I often hear leaders say things like “We should be further along,” “the initiatives are not achieving big enough results,” and “we don’t see a change in behavior yet.”

If you mapped out the trend of a change initiative, more often than not it would look like a horizontal hockey stick. That is the nature of the beast. At first, you invest a lot of effort and energy without seeing a lot of return and at some point, things begin to take off.

Expecting progress, change and results is the wrong approach. You have to drive it! Just like you wouldn’t dig out a flower seed every week after you planted it to see if its making progress, you can’t second-guess yourself, your direction or your team.

In fact, if you want to succeed in your change initiative you have to manage your expectations and have the mindset that your job is not to “see if it works” but rather to “ensure and prove that it works”.

Barrier 5: Getting discouraged after the first wave of enthusiasm and excitement wears off:

A change initiative is like a marriage. After a while, the honeymoon will be over, and you will have to keep regenerating and refueling people’s energy, enthusiasm, and commitment to the cause. You have to keep enrolling your people in why the change is important, what the new future will look like and what possibilities and improvements it holds for the company and for them.

You also have to understand that at different phases of the initiative people will get energized by, and engaged from different things.

Phase one is all about creation. In this phase, the excitement comes from people envisioning, imagining, hoping and believing in the new future state with all its benefits to the company and them. People also get excited in this phase by seeing their leaders as genuinely committed to the change and open to everyone’s engagement and contribution toward it.

Phase two is about execution. This is the toughest and most critical phase of any change initiative. In fact, this is the phase in which most companies fail. This is the stage when people work the hardest without easily seeing the progress and return of their efforts. It is critical in this phase for leaders to keep focusing on, promoting, highlighting and recognizing any/all progress, wins and improvements, even small ones. That helps people to continue to be optimistic, hopeful about the change.

Phase three is about momentum. This is when the change has taken hold and noticeable improvements and wins are abundant. It’s easier to motivate people in this phase as they can more naturally see the changes and improvements and feel accomplished by being a part of the journey.

Understanding how a change initiative will unfold equips you to overcome this barrier.

Barrier 6: Blaming others and circumstances for what isn’t working, rather than taking 100% ownership and responsibility:

It seems that leaders who don’t stay the course always tend to justify their failure with excuses and blame. I often hear them explain their failure with excuses like: “There was too much going on”, “The change initiative interfered with our core business or results”, and “People stopped being on board”. The quitters worry more about their own personal brand and image and how they will be perceived. They tend to want to cover their behind.

In contrast, leaders who stay the course tend to always look inward for the source of what is working and not working – especially what isn’t working. They don’t care about blame or fault. They only care about how to make sure the promise of the new future will stay alive and be realized.

When things go well they become nervous and shake people up in order to avoid complacency or arrogance. When things don’t go well they rally their teams and engage in questions such as – “what are we doing or not doing that is causing this?” and “what could we do differently?”

To summarize: you wouldn’t think of running a Marathon without the proper preparation and training. You wouldn’t just show up on the day of the race expecting to run. Well, it is exactly the same with any significant change initiative!

The more you educate and prepare yourself the more you can anticipate, expect and be ready for overcoming the inevitable barriers. If you don’t prepare these obstacles will catch you by surprise and overwhelm you.

As the boxer, Mike Tyson put it: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth!”

Do you know how to overcome the key barriers to change?

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In my last blog, I discussed the question: “Do you have what it takes to stay the course?” Well, it takes extraordinary levels of courage, determination, and faith to take on a bold change initiative, stay the course and see it through. In this blog (part two of three) I want to delve a bit deeper into what it actually takes and what you should expect it you take on such a bold endeavor.

If you commit to creating and fulfilling a bold next-level future for your team or organization, the universe will test and challenge your courage and resolve. You can count on it!

At first, you will have to invest ten units of effort to drive one unit of progress. It will feel like struggle and hardship; like pushing a rock up a steep mountain. The universe will send obstacles and barriers your way, and only after you have proven that you can stay the course no matter what, things will ease up and you will start experiencing more positive progress, improvement, and momentum toward your vision.

W.H. Murray, the Scottish Himalayan Expedition leader of 1950 put it quite vividly:

“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

If you don’t understand, expect and prepare for this dynamic your chances to succeed are slim. Unfortunately, I have seen too many change initiatives start out with so much promise and enthusiasm only to fail through a slow and painful death exactly for this reason – lack of understanding, anticipation, and preparation for the obstacles and how to overcome them.

So, what are the key obstacles that will challenge your ability to stay the course when transforming your organization to the next level, and how do you overcome them?

I have identified six barriers that I have repeatedly seen over many years of transforming organizations (no particular order). I am going to share two of these in this blog and four more next week.  These barriers are distinct from each other but they are closely related:

Barrier 1: Not tolerating a temporary dip in performance and/or results:

Consider this rare and true example: I was coaching a sales team of a technology company, in which team members felt extremely overworked and stressed. People worked long hours, including weekends and holidays to meet their numbers and needless to say “work-life-balance” was a big issue.

The General Manager of that organization, who was a bold, demanding but fair leader, came out with an edict to transform his team’s predicament: “no one was allowed to work past 8pm on weekdays or at any time on the weekend.” He made it clear that everyone was still expected to deliver their numbers, and that offenders of his new rule would be punished. At first, people were shocked and many were skeptical. However, after firing the first person that violated his new policy people started to take notice.

In the first month, the team missed its numbers by 20%. Everyone expected the General Manager to cancel his “unrealistic” policy, but he didn’t. In the second month, the results were still around 10% blow and only in month three the team met its number. But, what happened after that was quite extraordinary. Not only did the team start to exceed their numbers on a frequent basis, but the overall energy, commitment, and dialogue of the team shifted to be much more productive and powerful, and more oriented around how to do more with less.

Unfortunately, this example is indeed rare. Most leaders can’t tolerate even the slightest temporary dip in performance. They panic at the first sign of a dip, and they often react in negative ways that set the team back and send a message that they don’t have the courage and faith to stay the course.

When you take on creating and fulfilling a new future there is a high likelihood that things will get worst before they get better. It’s not a slogan. You have to expect it.

If you can’t tolerate this dynamic you will keep returning backward instead of pushing forward to overcome this barrier. The good news, however, is that if you do stay the course and reach the other side of this barrier, things will get even better than they were before you started.

Barrier 2: Making the focus on continuing the existing activities a higher priority than the focus on generating the new future:

At the outset of change initiatives pretty much all leaders declare that creating a new future for the company and taking the game to the next level is “mission critical.” However, unfortunately in most cases, it doesn’t take much or long before leaders get spooked by the uncertainty of the transition from the old to the new, and they start paying lip service to their own declaration. They start behaving in a way that makes it obvious to people around them that the new future is a “nice to have.”

The remedy is simple, stay the course! Stay true to your declaration and commitment, do what you said, and keep promoting, driving and demanding actions and behaviors that are consistent with the new future. Don’t get distracted by the temporary confusion, uncertainty, doubts and the roller coaster of emotions that people experience in the change journey.

Don’t miss next week’s blog where I share four more barriers to transformation.   

Do you have what it takes to stay the course?

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I have coached so many teams and organizations in creating bold and aspirational strategies. Every team emerges from this exercise highly optimistic, energized and eager to achieve a better future for itself. Typically, people are most enthusiastic about the boldest, most far-reaching aspirations they commit to, which they often don’t know how to achieve at the outset. However, they believe and hope these bold aspirations would change their game and take them to a new level.

Time and time again I am impressed and inspired by people’s genuine enthusiasm, commitment and resolve to realize aspirational goals that at the outset are viewed as extremely desirable but often, highly unlikely or even a bit impossible.

Unfortunately, when it comes to fulfilling and realizing the unlikely or impossible there are two types of teams… or perhaps I should say, two types of leaders: those who stay the course and those who don’t.

Some leaders love the thrill of a new idea, fad or beginning, especially when it helps them to engage and motivate their teams around a new purpose.  As long as their effort continues to progress with even mild success, and managers and employees continue to feel good about the process and engage in its activities, these leaders stay engaged and they continue to invest their own commitment, energy, time and resources in the process.

However, the minute things get tough or messy, instead of doubling down and using challenges as opportunities for change, these leaders quickly become skeptical, lose their commitment, energy and resolve, and eventually they simply get distracted by other activities, lose interest, disengage and move on to the next new thing…

It is easier to stay engaged and focused at the beginning of big change initiatives when everyone is at the initial excitement stage, there is increased goodwill all around, and people tend to be on their best behavior in areas such as trust, teamwork, and collaboration.

However, if you take on any Big Hairy Audacious Goal, it is inevitable that at some point in the journey you will have to confront your barriers to change. Marathon runners describe this as hitting the wall. It’s the moment, about half way through the run, when overwhelming fatigue kicks in and you feel like you may not have what it takes to finish the race. It’s a devastating and discouraging feeling. If you buy into this it can really hurt your performance. However, if you anticipate this phenomenon you can be ready for it and get through the tough patches with minimal distractions in focus, commitment, and effectiveness.

It is exactly the same thing when pursuing big aspirations and dreams!

The wall often manifests as:

  • People feeling overwhelmed with keeping up with their existing jobs while pursuing future work, initiatives taking too much time and energy to launch or demonstrate results, and
  • People beginning to disengage because of growing frustrations, skepticism and doubt.

Those who trust the process, push forward and stay the course, no matter what, achieve extraordinary results. I have witnessed this so many times.

In fact, I was in a recent meeting with a global sales leadership team where we were reviewing progress in their seven transformation initiatives.  Whilst their entire strategy was extremely bold, two of their initiatives were so out of the box that when they took them on two years ago they didn’t know how to achieve them or if they were achievable at all. Needless to say, they figured both out and were well on the way to generate some meaningful breakthroughs. But, what impressed and inspired me most was the comfort and confident these leaders had with tackling bold and impossible goals. For them “Anything is possible” was not merely a motivational slogan, but rather a way of thinking that they brought to all challenges and opportunities. Their reward was that when their company was going through cost reduction they were one of the only teams worldwide that continued to receive headcount and investment.

Unfortunately, most leaders are not good at staying the course.

Many leaders simply don’t know how to stay focused when they don’t know what to do next. They tend to stall, stop and eventually give up. Others can’t tolerate things getting worst – before they get better – so they react badly to chaos, messy situations and unpredicted challenges, which are inevitable in any big game.

Many leaders simply don’t know how to stay focused when they don’t know what to do next. They tend to stall, stop and eventually give up. Others can’t tolerate things getting worst – before they get better – so they react badly to chaos, messy situations and unpredicted challenges, which are inevitable in any big game.

Most leaders and teams fall short or fail to achieve their intended transformation outcomes not because they go all out all the way and fail, but rather because they don’t stay the course and they give up at the most critical time in the process.

And, to add insult to injury, most leaders don’t take ownership and acknowledge the simple truth: “We just didn’t stay the course!”. They usually tend to justify their failure with excuses like: “There is too much going on”, “The change initiative is interfering with our core business or results”, and “People are no longer on board”.

The cost of not staying the course is not merely in failing to achieve higher levels of performance and results, but more importantly, the overt and covert cynicism that comes with defeat to achieve great aspirations and dreams.

My recommendation to leaders who want to achieve big hairy audacious goals and dreams: Stay the course no matter what or don’t start at all!

Can you stop the Passive Aggressive behavior?

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In most organizations, passive aggressive behavior is rampant, especially at the managerial levels.

Passive aggressive behavior occurs in an environment where people don’t feel they can express their true feelings and thoughts, especially the critical or negative ones. So, instead of communicating openly, authentically, courageously and effectively, people tend to pretend that everything is going well, even when in reality they feel irritated, upset and/or angry toward someone or about something that isn’t going well.

People communicate in a positive, politically correct and “respectful” way, even when inside, they feel the opposite. This dissonance creates tension and awkwardness. People feel they have to walk on eggshells around each other, which as we all know is stressful and exhausting.

Unfortunately, the negative impact of a passive aggressive environment goes beyond people walking on eggshells. People also become reluctant and afraid to push back on mission critical topics, address conflict, say what is on their minds or hold others accountable for behaviors and performance. In fact, people often say “yes” to things they don’t agree with for fear of receiving a bad reaction from their superiors, and then they pay lip service to important tasks and initiatives. As a result, productivity is compromised and results suffer. This predicament only perpetuates and increases the passive aggressive behavior, which caused it in the first place.

So, why are people passive aggressive?

Some people believe that passive aggressive behavior is ingrained in certain people’s personality, therefore they will always behave that way. I don’t believe that is the case. I think people behave in passive aggressive ways when they are ambitious and eager to succeed, and at the same time they don’t trust their ability to communicate effectively, or that others are big enough to handle their directness.

Think about it, if you trust your ability to communicate in any circumstance and people’s ability to listen and get it, you would feel quite confident, calm and centered even when dealing with big challenges and tight deadlines. You would feel enabled to express your true feelings, desires, commitments and even criticism in a direct and authentic way. If you hurt people’s feelings you could always clean it up.

But, if you don’t trust your ability to communicate effectively, especially in tense or uncomfortable situations when you need to convey criticism and disagreement, or you fear that if you expressed your frustration and anger, it may get out of hand, or you may get into trouble with your superiors or teammates – how would you behave?

Now, add to that the fact that no one feels comfortable to come out and admit “I don’t trust my ability to communicate” or “I don’t trust that you will handle it.” So, instead of expressing your authentic feelings you could easily pretend that everything is ok. Or you would suppress your true feelings, water down your communication or hold back all together, even if in reality you may want to kill someone.

Pent up emotions, frustrations, and unexpressed communications are like bottled energy. Eventually, they have to be released. The more they stay bottled up, the more likely they are to explode when triggered. Unfortunately, this often happens at the most inappropriate times, in the most unproductive ways. When we “lose it,” it usually creates damage beyond proportion.

So, how do you stop this?

Given that passive aggressive behavior lives as an issue of communication, you have to transform it in the realm of communication. This will take authentic leadership, ownership, commitment, and courage.

If leaders are too afraid to be vulnerable, or they don’t trust themselves to create a more powerful and authentic environment of communication around them, or they are simply too caught up in the passive aggressive behavior themselves, nothing will change. In fact, they will continue to be a part of the problem.

They will most likely hide behind their title and authority in order to control conversations and avoid hearing bad news or criticism, especially about themselves. By doing so, they will perpetuate the issues and drive their team to more passive aggressive behavior.

However, if leaders commit to creating an open, honest environment for communication where people can authentically and directly communicate and express their views, even if things may get a bit messy before they get better, they can stop the passive aggressive behavior and transform it into something more nurturing and productive.

Leaders can create a more powerful environment, and everyone can develop their skills and confidence at communicating effectively. You just need to know that this will take time and it has to start at the top.

Take your head out of the sand

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How many times have you participated in a meeting and halfway through it you realized that something important wasn’t being said openly and honestly? Knowing that others knew it, too, but no one said anything.

How many times have you seen managers and employees sit around a meeting table, nodding in agreement as their leader explained the plan for a critical change initiative?  Once the meeting was over, people pushed back their chairs and drifted back towards their desks.  As they congregated at the water cooler, they opened up to each other: “What a pile of crap!”, “That’ll never happen!”, “I can hardly wait until the weekend?”.

By the time these underhanded comments go viral throughout the organization cynicism and quiet rebellion is rampant. In this organization, people will definitely be paying lip service to the organizational mandate.

Meanwhile, their unsuspecting bosses leave the meeting imagining that they have done a wonderful job of communicating their strategy and that people are onboard.

Nothing will undermine a strategy or initiative more effectively than a lack of employee ownership and alignment.

If employees are expressing skepticism and criticism about their leadership and the initiative in “around the water cooler” conversations that is a sure sign that they are not onboard and not aligned with the company’s strategy.

So many leaders and managers simply don’t get it. They think that what people tell them to their face is what people really think. Sometimes that is the simple truth. But, many times it isn’t.

At any time, there are two types of conversations taking place in every organization – one is spoken; what people say out loud. These are often the politically correct things. The other is unspoken. It’s what people only say in private to their close friends and confidants.

When leaders don’t create an environment that fosters genuine openness and honesty people go underground to converse. Instead of addressing the important things out in the open they tend to cover their behinds, blame others for things that are not working well, or they simply become silently frustrated and resigned.  When they have to, they pay lip service to the authorities, but they say only what they believe to be politically correct and safe.

As a result, far too many leaders simply have no idea what their people are really thinking and saying. In fact, many mistake fear and compliance for commitment. As a result, their ability to enlist and engage their people in their vision and strategy is compromised

It takes courage – on both sides – to create an environment of blunt honesty.  Leaders must be willing to hear the unvarnished truth, sometimes about them, and employees must be prepared to express it.  It takes two to tango. However, this has to start with the leaders.

Leaders who learn to listen carefully and engage in blunt and meaningful dialogue with their people will find that the investment of time and effort is deeply worthwhile.  Over time, people will rise to the occasion, abandon the back channel noise and start addressing challenges and opportunities head-on.

In fact, even if the strategy is not optimal, if managers and employees feel they can make a difference and their leaders really want to hear what they have to say, they will go out of their way to make sure it succeeds.

But, in order to succeed leaders have to muster the courage to take their heads out of the sand.

 

Are you victims of circumstances or accountable owners?

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Every day at work, people assign blame, don’t take responsibility for things that happen and relate to the game like they are merely pawns, not powerful players. You almost never hear someone simply say, “I know I said I would do this, but I didn’t.” Instead, you typically get the reasons why they did not do X, Y or Z and a laundry list of justifications due to all the things that are outside of their control.

Consider this case of one Fortune 1000 telecommunications company. In an almost iconic business conflict, the regional teams complained that headquarters (HQ) didn’t understand or care about the real challenges they were facing locally. On the other side, HQ teams complained that the field was selfish. They always saw themselves as unique and entitled. They didn’t understand or care about the bigger corporate challenges. And, instead of being team players, they always pushed for getting what they wanted, when they wanted it.

This deadlock of different agendas and points of view led to a growing frustration where everyone saw themselves as victims of the other. The field team members gossiped about what jerks those guys in HQ were, and the back-channel talk among the HQ team was equally unproductive, and oriented around how the field needed to spend less time complaining and whining and, more time aligning with the corporate strategy and politics.

When, on a rare occasion, the field and HQ teams did engage in discussions to address the issues, only about 20% of the items on the table got talked about, and even this 20% was not discussed openly and effectively, so very little changed.

Over time the HQ team became entrenched in the idea that the field simply can’t collaborate and act like a true partner. As a result, instead of inviting them to participate in key programs and engendering cooperation, they just mandated, dictated and told the field what to do.  This, of course, only provoked and fueled the field’s resentment toward the HQ.

In turn, the field resisted many of the programs that were pushed out from HQ or they simply paid lip service to them. And, while all this was done in quite a subtle and polite way, without confrontation and outbursts, tremendous amounts of energy was wasted — while operational and business objectives went unmet.

I’m sure you see this type of dynamic in your organization too – everyone feeling that they are doing their part, but no one is ensuring that the parts actually produce the whole?!

Why does this happen? Why are teams willing to settle for sub-optimal collaboration, results and the lack of satisfaction that comes with it?

Unfortunately, the answer is simple and everyone knows it – there is a payoff from having a victim mentality!

As long as both parties are wallowing in their mutual complaints about the other, they do not have to fix the situation but rest instead in blame. Everyone is focused on what the other is doing wrong, and no one has to be accountable. Unfortunately, the cost of this tactic is grave both in personal unsatisfaction and unhappiness, as well as in compromised performance and results.

I see this type of dynamic in most organizations, most of the time, between many teams and functions. There are no winners in this dance!

So, how do you transform such mischief into something more productive?

First, let me warn you that taking this on requires Courage and Leadership.

Here are four simple, but powerful steps:

  1. Tell the truth. Telling the truth about what isn’t working is critical for any transformation. You won’t succeed without it. This first step is most challenging, mainly because people are so wrapped up in the pretense that “everything is going well.” Admitting that it isn’t is the toughest thing to do, but, as someone wise once said: “The truth will set you free…”
  1. Express your desire and commitment. Don’t start with a plan, start with a declaration of desire and commitment. Answer the questions: “What do you want?” and “How would you like the partnership to be?” Take a stand. It’s pointless to spend time on a plan before both parties are 100% clear about, and committed to, a shared end result.
  1. Establish clear agreements and practices. The best way to cement a new commitment and turn it into reality is to agree to practices consistent with that new future you are aspiring to, and then put them into action.
  1. Manage and track progress. More than 70% of all big initiatives fail because of lack of execution and followup. Make sure you follow up and review progress frequently, including acknowledging successes and confronting and addressing shortfalls. This is key in order to make sure the new agreements and practices become a new reality.

I know these steps may sound over-simplified, and they probably are. However, if you relate to these as guiding principles and spaces to get through, and you try to bring them about you will see that there is a power in this simple framework.

Are you giving yourself bad advice about important things?

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How much time do you spend – or shall I say ‘waste’ – in your head? I mean listening to your own private thoughts, concerns, and conversations?

We do it mostly when we are troubled, upset or in distress. That’s the time that we need sound advice, guidance, and support. But, that is the time we often go to the wrong and worst place to get it – our own head.

I was coaching an executive who wanted to advance his career and get the promotion he felt he deserved. The executive was generally a passionate and expressive person and leader. But, every time he had opportunities to promote himself, his skills and his accomplishments in front of his peers, boss and other superiors he froze or held back. It was as if he became a different person. When we tried to get to the source of this dynamic I learned that whilst outwardly the executive appeared confident and bold, internally he often doubted and second-guessed himself. When he wasn’t paying attention to his internal noise he behaved as his authentic self. But when he did it was quite a different matter.

Another senior executive I was coaching often lost his temper when he disagreed with peers, especially when they criticized his function. He was a very smart and powerful leader. He knew that his outbursts derailed management team conversations, and hurt his reputation. However, it was hard for him to change his ways because his personal thoughts were telling him that his peers were, in fact, trying to undermine and marginalize his function. His thoughts and feelings were so real and strong that it took a lot of persuasion effort to make him see that maybe they were not true.

Another example, I was supporting a leader who had lost his job four months earlier in a downsizing initiative, after working in that same company for more than 20 years. He hadn’t been able to find a new job, he felt as if that the sky had fallen. He was distraught and it was hard for him to see possibilities beyond his feelings. He said things like: “I will never find another job or company like the one I was fired from,” and “no one will hire me at my age.” He shared with me that at a certain point it was hard for him to get out of bed because he didn’t feel he had something worthwhile to get up for.

I could relate to all three examples from my own life experiences. I have been there in distressed situations when things did not pan out the way I had hoped. At the time, these situations were disappointing, upsetting and even depressing. But, what often made it worst is listening to my personal thoughts and conversations saying things like: “I should have had a more realistic goal”, “How can I show my face in public? ” and “I’ll probably never be able to achieve this dream”.

It is often said that we are our worst critics. And that is true. Our personal thoughts and concerns are often undermining, guilt-driven and very convincing. They seem so real, true and objective, that it is often hard to think beyond them.

However, think about this rationally, if you wanted advice in an important area of your life would you go to someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind, or would you go to someone you trust, who understands what you want, knows what it takes and is committed to helping you get there? It’s a no-brainer.

Your own private thoughts, concerns, and conversations are often the worst place to get sound and effective advice that will make a difference in helping you reach a new level – especially when you are dealing with upsetting situations. So, stop listening to them!

Why?

Because our private ‘thoughts and concerns’ are often like ‘Statler and Waldorf’, the two old men from The Muppet Show, who sit in the balcony seats and make sarcastic comments about everything that goes on in the show. Our personal thoughts and concerns have one main agenda – to keep us in our comfort zone. They don’t want you to stick your neck out too far, take risks or express yourself too passionately. So, when they give you consoling and supportive advice, and you listen and buy it – don’t be mistaken – you pay a hefty price tag of disempowering yourself.

So, what could you do instead?

Find someone who knows you, believes in you, is committed to you, and someone who can see straight – ask them for advice and coaching, and then listen to everything they say – do what they tell you to do, no matter what your personal noise says about it. Yes, you may have to “fake it ’til you make it” at first, but if you stay the course and stay out of your head for long enough, you will start seeing clearly again, and you will start feeling back in the saddle.

So, if you resonate with all this, here are a few other practical tips for staying out of your head:

1. Communicate –When you communicate in an open, honest, courageous and authentic way you can transform your reality, establish deep love and connection, heal ailments and achieve extraordinary accomplishments. Communicating is the opposite, perhaps even contradiction of being in your head. In fact, when you find yourself stuck, communicate how you feel with someone you trust and you will see how quickly you will feel better and return to yourself. Even though most of us know all this – we often tend to avoid communicating in the most critical moments when it is most important and needed to communicate.
2. Journal – Journaling has almost the same impact to communicating. Just instead of speaking to someone else you are emptying all your thoughts onto paper without censorship. I got exposed to journaling more than 20 years ago through Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” (http://juliacameronlive.com/) I still practice journaling from time to time, especially when I am at a crossroads, need to make an important decision, want to plan the next chapter of my professional or personal life or want to stay centered and clear headed in challenging times. I strongly recommend this practice as a powerful way to stay out of your head and in the real game.
3. Take action – Small actions. One step at a time. Every day say what you will do the next day and do it. You can even write it down or have a partner to hold you to account. At the end of each day acknowledge what you did and what you missed and commit again to the next day of a few clear actions. If you do this you will see that your promises become larger and more meaningful and your achievement rate is higher too.
4. Be around positive and empowering people – Stay around positive and empowering people who always believe in you, give you energy, relate to you as great and never allow you to buy into your internal disempowering thoughts and concerns.

Is your team ‘energized and inspired’ or ‘cynical and resigned’?

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Some time ago, in a meeting I was facilitating, people were going around introducing themselves. One of the long-time veterans of that organization stood up and introduced himself in the following way: “My name is Bill. I don’t remember how long I’ve been here, but I have 54 months to go!”

You would think that Bill represents a rare minority of cynical people. However, my experience says otherwise. Unfortunately, I find cynical and resigned people at all levels of all organizations.

When I ask senior executives, “How is your leadership team doing?” I often get a stock answer of, “My leaders are excited and in great shape.” However, when I attend their meetings, I often find them to be uninspired and uninspiring. The bar for what passes as ‘inspired and energized‘ in corporations today seems to be low, very low.

Oddly enough, a lot of executives and leaders still don’t seem to view the creation of inspiration as a critical aspect of their roles. Some think it’s nice to have, but many still think it’s not up to them to provide. A few even view inspiration as irrelevant altogether. These executives often believe that what truly motivates people is pay, objectives, compensation and bonuses. I call these the myths of motivation.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am not disparaging pay, compensation or bonuses. They are indeed an important part of any motivational strategy. However, I have seen situations where people could double and triple their bonus if they collaborated and worked together, but they still stayed siloed and didn’t work together. On the other hand, I have seen situations where people had no financial incentive to collaborate, but they still did the right and best thing for their company by collaborating with genuine commitment and passion.

My point is that being energized and inspired is something that first comes from within, not from external circumstances. Yes, external circumstances can help, but ultimately they are not the main determiners of how people feel and act. When people feel included, valued, cared for and that they can make a difference, they can’t help themselves but get energized and inspired. And, because any organization is always a reflection of its leaders, inspiration and energy have to start and come from the top.

So, how can today’s overwhelmed and overworked leaders energize their staff on a day-by-day basis and make sure people are not cynical? Here are a few simple tips to start you off:

  1. Show up and listen. I have often heard the complaint in organizations that leaders and managers simply don’t listen. If you want to energize your people spend some dedicated time each day, week or month walking the floors, showing concern, interacting with team members, asking people how they are doing and what you could do for them. And, then follow up with whatever comes out of those interactions and conversations.
  2. Follow up and follow through. So much of the cynicism that people have, especially in organizations, comes from a lack of follow up and follow through. Teams make decisions and then there is no follow-up or follow-through. Leaders and managers promise things and then they leave things vague, they don’t do what they said and they don’t acknowledge or change their promises. When it comes to acknowledging what was promised, following through and doing what you said there is no difference between big strategic promises and small tactical ones. If you don’t follow up and follow through even in the small things, people will become skeptical and cynical around you.
  3. Praise, recognize and thank people. I have written so much about this. It doesn’t cost a penny to say “Thank you!” and it goes a long, long way to engage and motivate people. However, another big complaint in organizations is a lack of recognition. Well if you want to energize your people and avoid cynicism, go out of your way – every day – to praise, recognize and thank them. In fact, always recognize people in public and criticize them in private. This way they’ll feel respected and trusted.
  4. Encourage, promote and reward high ownership and accountability. People who are up to something from time-to-time make mistakes. The only way to avoid that is to play so small that your mistakes are irrelevant. When employees play big the impact of their mistakes tend to be big too. However, responsible people go out of their way to learn from their mistakes and correct them. By showing them that you respect ownership and accountability they’ll play even harder, bigger and with more commitment.
  5. Encourage new ideas. There is always more than one way to get anything done. In addition, different people have different ways ideas and styles about how to effectively make things happen. As long as the objectives and key ethical values are clear and adhered to, it’s actually healthy to allow employees some room to innovate. And, it goes a long way to strengthen ownership and defeat cynicism.

 

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