Stop stating the obvious and start taking a stand!

I was attending a leadership team meeting where the topic of the discussion was bringing clarity to the roles and responsibilities of three of the key functions in the company who work closely together.

The lack of clarity in these roles and responsibilities was causing internal and external angst; team members were competing for deals, projects and who is the lead in each scenario, and customers were feeling confused about who they should go to with their opportunities and challenges.

Needless to say, this reality was hurting the company as a whole in terms of efficiency, ability to scale, morale, business results, and reputation.

Instead of dictating and mandating the answer the CEO wanted the senior leaders to reach an agreement through consensus.

The dynamic of the debate was contrived and awkward because even the leaders who had a stake in the outcome and therefore had a clear bias toward how they wanted the roles to be divided and defined, were holding back and conveying their thoughts in a diplomatic way.

People kept highlighting the challenges and dilemmas instead of clearly stating their thoughts about their desirable solution. There was a lot of: “Well, the problem is that each of us has strong exposure and contact with our key customers…” or “The problem is that we all do this today, and we all are good at this…” or “We need to figure out a way to define clear boundary lines without demotivating our people, promoting cross-selling to our customers, for the good of the whole….”  etc. etc.

The conversations dragged on for hours. It was ineffective and, to be frank, it was exhausting and brutally painful.

Unfortunately, I see this dynamic in key business conversations and meetings all the time – people state the obvious instead of taking a stand about the way forward.

One reason for this is that people think there is a right answer to any given dilemma or issue. This is simply not true, especially in this day and age. Things change so quickly. There are so many examples of the obvious becoming questionable, the fashionable becoming obsolete and the unexpected becoming the norm.

There are no right or wrong answers, only possibilities, and choices. The role of leadership is to make these choices and then be responsible for carrying them out. That is what taking a stand is about. Pure creation.

The other reason is that people lack the courage to take a stand. They fear that if they clearly state their stand about such critical and sensitive topics such as strategy or organizational structure their idea may not get selected or if their idea does get selected it then fails. In addition, they fear they’ll be viewed as ‘forceful’, ‘self-serving’ or ‘political’. They are concerned about what others would think of them and how their clear stand could hurt them in the future. The phrase ‘career limiting move’ comes to mind…

But, if you want things to move faster, your meetings to be briefer and more productive and your experience of day-to-day business interaction to be much more satisfying, then be more courageous, clear and assertive about the future you want and stand for.

Just don’t be arrogant or get too attached to your answer, especially if you are part of a team. Someone else’s suggested way may be a better fit for what the team needs. Be open to that.

Instead, promote a dialogue where people spend less time on pointing out the problems (which got you into this dialogue in the first place) and spend more time on taking a stand regarding solutions and directions that enable you to create and fulfill your future.

Are you asking for what you really want?

You would think that asking for what you want would be the easiest thing in the world to do. But it isn’t!

In my coaching work I often ask people, “So, what do you want?” or “What do you want the outcome to be?” or “What do you want to accomplish?” Many people, when confronted with this direct question, find it hard to spit out a clear answer.

Some say, “I know what I want” but as they attempt to describe it they get caught up in a long-winded conceptual description that is very confusing and vague even to them.

A few simple follow-up questions such as, “What do you mean by that?” or “How would you know that you achieved that?” are often enough to make people realize they really don’t know what they want.

When people work on articulating their personal or collective objectives they often say things like, “I should do this” or “I have to do that.” But, saying “I should” is not the same as “I want.” In fact, it is much easier and less powerful to say “I should”.

“I want” is a declaration. “I should” is a description. When you say: “I want,” you are expressing a commitment, staking yourself to an outcome. You are expressing your commitment out loud and by doing that puts it at stake. You are making it personal.

What are the biggest barriers to expressing what we want?

  1. Some people suffer from guilt when it comes to declaring what they want. They feel it is arrogant or greedy to want too much or to want certain things. As a result, they refrain from explicitly expressing their dreams and desires.
  2. Some are so afraid to get a “No!” to their request that they avoid asking altogether. They just convince themselves that “It’s not that important.”
  3. Some people were brought up to believe that it is impolite to directly ask for what you want. If their meal in a restaurant is not served the way they like it or their hotel room is not what they wanted, they simply suffer quietly and won’t say anything about it.
  4. Some people have deeper demons. They feel they are not good enough or not worthy of having what they really want. So, they stop dreaming altogether.
  5. Some people feel that what they really aspire for and desire is simply too big, unrealistic and out of their reach. Their mindset is “What’s the point of going after things that are not realistic”, “Why set myself up for failure, disappointment, and heartbreak?” So, they make sure to set their desires and expectations low enough in order to not risk failure.

Are any of these familiar to you?

There is also a spiritual aspect to this. The Law of Attraction, says that people who explicitly express and ask for what they want have a higher chance of attracting and achieving it.

In one of my past blogs “Three empowering quotes about Courage” I wrote about the power of taking a stand. That is a very powerful way to ask for what you want.

It takes courage to dream and believe that you can achieve it. It takes courage to declare what we want, ask for it and pursue it. Yes, you may fail or fall short and that could be disappointing.

However, would you rather go for it and fall short, or fail from not trying in the first place?! Unfortunately, I see too many people suffer from the latter.

Early in my career, I had a powerful mentor who kept telling me:

If you take on big dreams and then do the right things for long enough you will always get your desired outcome!

I took what he taught me to heart and saw just how true and powerful it is.

You can do the same.

Do you have the courage for brutal honesty?

I love working with leaders who are relentless about driving a culture of open, honest and courageous communication around them. These leaders are committed to high performance and they have zero interest in, or tolerance for, internal drama or politics. They operate at a high level of personal integrity, authenticity, and ownership. And they expect and demand the same from people around them.

They make it difficult – if not impossible – for people to get away with doing the things that undermine and weaken the organization: point fingers, adopt a victim mentality, indulge in destructive politics, and “cover-your-ass” behaviors that distract from the goals of the organization.

Even if these behaviors are very subtle, they drain energy and waste everyone’s time. Eventually, people begin to feel that they cannot make a difference, and the organization loses focus and cannot achieve the results it seeks. In today’s environment of growing competition and limited resources, no company can afford this.

I was working with a senior leadership team of a large and successful telecom company. At the start of our engagement I interviewed all the senior leaders and a handful of managers that report to them to gain insight into the starting condition of the organization and teams. The interviews revealed significant issues and dysfunctionalities in the levels of trust, cohesion, collaboration and communication between functions and between the senior leaders themselves, including the CEO. When I presented my findings pretty much everyone confirmed the issues. While people were somewhat startled by my summary, everyone also seemed extremely relieved that the truth was out.

We set out to drive change. However, every time I tried to engage the senior leaders in a direct conversation about their dysfunctionalities they were reluctant to do so. While there were no disagreements about the issues, the CEO and some of the leaders took these personally and therefore, despite their declarations to the contrary, they avoided facing them at all cost. From my standpoint, they lacked the courage to engage with brutal honesty. As time passed the second tier managers became more and more frustrated and discouraged about the lack of progress. People disengaged and invested less of their commitment, passion, and energy in the change initiative. As a result, progress stalled and cynicism grew.

Any manager can be the catalyst for breaking undermining patterns, reversing past damage and creating a high-performance team dynamic – if they are willing to be a courageous leader, role model this behavior, and call his or her people to account for it too. In an environment where people are used to only voicing what they think their leaders want to hear, managers need to stand for a new code of empowering honesty, refusing to settle for any less than that!

No matter which method they use, leaders must make their unconditional commitment to honesty known, and they must convince their people that they mean it. It’s not enough to declare it. They need to demonstrate through action that they are genuinely open to feedback, criticism, and input, including about themselves.

As one of my clients once admitted:

It takes 10 rights to fix 1 wrong, and 1 wrong to undermine 10 rights.

This leadership philosophy of open, honest, authentic and courageous communication can be messy, lonely and painful at times. However, time and again, I have seen it lead to significant transformations inside organizations. In fact, clients have repeatedly shared with me that creating a new level of communication at work has also made them a better person in their personal life, changing the way they relate to their children and their spouses. One CEO even told me once, “It saved my marriage“.

I am not a marriage counselor, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers. However, one thing I do know is that when organizations have the courage to be authentic every day, a powerful platform of authentic team ownership, commitment and accountability emerges. The team is then equipped and energized to focus on any challenge or opportunity that lies ahead, no matter how unfamiliar, complex, or difficult it may be.

As a result, the team becomes unstoppable.

Are you making progress every day?

I was facilitating a session with a group of managers in a global technology company. We were a few months into their change initiative and I wanted to find out how things were progressing since we started.

I asked them to take a few minutes and come up with a list of the areas where they have seen progress and improvement since we started. One of the managers threw out a cynical comment “Well, that list will be short!“.

As it turned out their list of accomplishments was actually not short at all. In fact, they had made admirable progress in many key areas. However, when we got to the list written by that same manager he again insisted that: “Nothing has progressed or improved!

I could tell that this manager had a chip on his shoulder. He was upset that certain areas that affected him and his team were not changing and improving fast enough. Unfortunately, it seemed that his frustrations were clouding his view and perspective about everything.

In my coaching work, I often come across people who seem to be stuck in the position that “nothing is changing” or “nothing has improved” even when everyone around them claims the complete opposite.

So, who is right and what is the truth?

I don’t think there is one. We often say: “I can’t believe what I am seeing!” However, I believe that in reality people actually see or don’t see what they believe.

When someone insists adamantly “nothing has improved or changed“, that says more about the person saying it, than the reality he or she are talking about.

I have a good friend who every time I ask her how she is doing she answers with some variation on: “Same shit different day!” That is ‘an attitude’, not ‘an objective summation of the truth’.

It takes a certain openness, positive outlook and talent to be able to see (and find) progress and accomplishment in any circumstance. It is an acquired skill, not something you have or don’t have. Yes, sometimes you need to squint your eyes, use a fine ruler or microscope to see the forward movement. However, if you orient yourself toward progress and accomplishment and look for it, you will always find it.

There are practical exercises you could adopt that would make you good at this. Here is one that I have been practicing for years, which has made a difference in my life:

Keep a notebook next to your bed (or somewhere handy) and at the end of each day take 15 minutes to complete the day by recording your answer to the following question:

What are the 4-8 things I made progress in, learned and/or accomplished today?

Don’t go to sleep before you have come up with at least 4 things. Some days it will be easy to fill the list. In fact, some days you will easily have more than 8 things. In other days, however, you will be scratching your head and searching your brain. Don’t let yourself off the hook. Do the practice and come up with at least 4 that have meaning to you. Do this for at least one month, in order for it to influence your perspective.

If you stay true to the exercise you will develop your ability to see and find progress and accomplishment in any circumstance. This will enhance your positive outlook, energy, and sense of accomplishment and progress. Ultimately it will empower you and make you experience yourself as much more powerful and able to achieve what you want.

So, if it is so easy to do this, why doesn’t everyone – especially those who are frequently complaining that “nothing is progressing” – grab this mindset and approach with open arms?

I’ll get into that in next week’s blog. See you then!

Are your managers committed to your cause or merely complying?

Many leaders assume their managers automatically will commit to their initiative, direction or strategy. They believe they should not have to ask for their managers’ commitment.

They come from a school of thought that says that managers are obliged to align when their boss asks for it. It’s a belief to the effect of, “We shouldn’t have to beg you to get on board. This is your job. That’s what you are paid to do. This isn’t a democracy. As soon as you understand the rationale and valid business reasons for this initiative, direction or strategy, you should be fully behind it, driving it.” This attitude and assumptions are unfounded, incorrect and dangerous. It often stems from the misunderstanding that compliance is the same as, or similar to commitment. It isn’t.

Let’s be clear, low levels of commitment do not mean that people won’t do their jobs. When people are afraid of being fired because of low performance they tend to do what it takes to keep their jobs. Plus, from a less cynical viewpoint, most people are proficient enough at their jobs to perform them without needing to apply their full passion, dedication, intelligence, and commitment. We can assume the pyramids were not built by what anyone would call an enthusiastic workforce. Therefore, in most cases, lukewarm organizational commitment to a strategy or initiative will not inherently guarantee its failure.

But true commitment goes far beyond compliance. When managers are committed, they behave differently in fundamental ways:

  • They invest their hearts and souls in the cause
  • They perform their roles with passion and energy
  • They take on bold promises and commitments
  • They follow through with extraordinary levels of tenacity and perseverance; they don’t give up
  • They look out for opportunities to improve, fix and perfect things
  • They genuinely care for others who are on the journey with them
  • They ignite their people to operate at the same level.

A committed organization is one whose managers and employees work harder to accomplish their tasks. It’s a place where people anticipate problems and resolve them early before they fester. Excuses are not tolerated – only answers and actions to how problems are going to be fixed. People love coming to work. They’re more productive, creative, attentive and aware.

Contrast that with an environment of compliance, where people don’t take the new initiatives to heart. They don’t ache for it or want it in their gut. If the initiative fails, they don’t lose sleep over it. In fact, they brush it off as someone else’s fault. Because they don’t view the game as their own, they avoid expressing their views including when they feel things are not working the way they should. And, if things fail they have no problem taking out the “I told you so” card. They detach themselves emotionally from its success or failure, and by making few or no guarantees to deliver specific outcomes, they are less likely to see a personal role in making the initiatives happen.

If you wanted to join a team, which of the two would you want to be a part of?

Are you bringing leadership to your change?

In last week’s blog “Do you know how to overcome the key barriers to change?” I outlined two key barriers that will challenge your ability to stay the course when transforming your organization to the next level, and how to overcome them.  The first one was: “Not tolerating a temporary dip in performance and/or results” and the second, “Making the focus on continuing the existing a higher priority than the focus on generating the new future.” In this blog, I will share another four barriers.

Remember, whilst all the barriers are closely related, they are distinct from each other.

Barrier 3: Buying into people’s complaints that they are too busy:

When you articulate a bold and compelling next-level future for your organization and start executing it, there will be a phase in which people will be expected to juggle both their existing objectives (i.e., their day job), while also spending time driving the new initiatives and tasks that will propel the organization toward its new future.

If you are lucky, you can hire a few additional people to support the new initiatives. However, in most cases, you can’t go out and hire a complete new crew to work on the new stuff while the current team continues to work on the existing things. The same people have to do both, and for a period of time, people will feel stretched and overwhelmed. It’s inevitable.

You can’t ignore people’s complaints. In fact, you need to think out of the box, be innovative and look for ways to do things differently, as well as motivate and incent people in this transition. This will send the right message to your team.

You also can’t buy into people’s complaints. You can’t compromise on the key principles and expectations of the change. People will see that you don’t have the resolve and courage. The consequence will be detrimental to your success.

Here is a typical example: I was working with a technology company that really needed and wanted to take their game to a new level. They set out toward a bold future that would take their sales performance, market share, culture and brand to a new level. We started with the senior leadership team and then engaged the middle managers. Everything was going very well, and everyone was excited about the new direction.

But, when they started to execute on their new initiatives reality kicked in and leaders and managers found themselves confronted with the extra work required to drive both their existing core business and their new initiatives.

The managers believed in the change so they kept pushing forward. However, the senior leaders became the issue. They started to drop the ball – they came late to initiative meetings, they didn’t keep deadlines and they complained the most. Unfortunately, instead of holding his leaders to account and demanding their role model behavior, the CEO, despite his declarations to the contrary, bought into his leaders’ complaints and tolerated their lack of leadership commitment and behavior. Eventually, the managers became discouraged and that was the end of that change!

Barrier 4: Expecting results and progress rather than relentlessly driving them:

The operative word here is “expecting”. During change initiatives, I often hear leaders say things like “We should be further along,” “the initiatives are not achieving big enough results,” and “we don’t see a change in behavior yet.”

If you mapped out the trend of a change initiative, more often than not it would look like a horizontal hockey stick. That is the nature of the beast. At first, you invest a lot of effort and energy without seeing a lot of return and at some point, things begin to take off.

Expecting progress, change and results is the wrong approach. You have to drive it! Just like you wouldn’t dig out a flower seed every week after you planted it to see if its making progress, you can’t second-guess yourself, your direction or your team.

In fact, if you want to succeed in your change initiative you have to manage your expectations and have the mindset that your job is not to “see if it works” but rather to “ensure and prove that it works”.

Barrier 5: Getting discouraged after the first wave of enthusiasm and excitement wears off:

A change initiative is like a marriage. After a while, the honeymoon will be over, and you will have to keep regenerating and refueling people’s energy, enthusiasm, and commitment to the cause. You have to keep enrolling your people in why the change is important, what the new future will look like and what possibilities and improvements it holds for the company and for them.

You also have to understand that at different phases of the initiative people will get energized by, and engaged from different things.

Phase one is all about creation. In this phase, the excitement comes from people envisioning, imagining, hoping and believing in the new future state with all its benefits to the company and them. People also get excited in this phase by seeing their leaders as genuinely committed to the change and open to everyone’s engagement and contribution toward it.

Phase two is about execution. This is the toughest and most critical phase of any change initiative. In fact, this is the phase in which most companies fail. This is the stage when people work the hardest without easily seeing the progress and return of their efforts. It is critical in this phase for leaders to keep focusing on, promoting, highlighting and recognizing any/all progress, wins and improvements, even small ones. That helps people to continue to be optimistic, hopeful about the change.

Phase three is about momentum. This is when the change has taken hold and noticeable improvements and wins are abundant. It’s easier to motivate people in this phase as they can more naturally see the changes and improvements and feel accomplished by being a part of the journey.

Understanding how a change initiative will unfold equips you to overcome this barrier.

Barrier 6: Blaming others and circumstances for what isn’t working, rather than taking 100% ownership and responsibility:

It seems that leaders who don’t stay the course always tend to justify their failure with excuses and blame. I often hear them explain their failure with excuses like: “There was too much going on”, “The change initiative interfered with our core business or results”, and “People stopped being on board”. The quitters worry more about their own personal brand and image and how they will be perceived. They tend to want to cover their behind.

In contrast, leaders who stay the course tend to always look inward for the source of what is working and not working – especially what isn’t working. They don’t care about blame or fault. They only care about how to make sure the promise of the new future will stay alive and be realized.

When things go well they become nervous and shake people up in order to avoid complacency or arrogance. When things don’t go well they rally their teams and engage in questions such as – “what are we doing or not doing that is causing this?” and “what could we do differently?”

To summarize: you wouldn’t think of running a Marathon without the proper preparation and training. You wouldn’t just show up on the day of the race expecting to run. Well, it is exactly the same with any significant change initiative!

The more you educate and prepare yourself the more you can anticipate, expect and be ready for overcoming the inevitable barriers. If you don’t prepare these obstacles will catch you by surprise and overwhelm you.

As the boxer, Mike Tyson put it: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth!”

Can you stop the Passive Aggressive behavior?

In most organizations, passive aggressive behavior is rampant, especially at the managerial levels.

Passive aggressive behavior occurs in an environment where people don’t feel they can express their true feelings and thoughts, especially the critical or negative ones. So, instead of communicating openly, authentically, courageously and effectively, people tend to pretend that everything is going well, even when in reality they feel irritated, upset and/or angry toward someone or about something that isn’t going well.

People communicate in a positive, politically correct and “respectful” way, even when inside, they feel the opposite. This dissonance creates tension and awkwardness. People feel they have to walk on eggshells around each other, which as we all know is stressful and exhausting.

Unfortunately, the negative impact of a passive aggressive environment goes beyond people walking on eggshells. People also become reluctant and afraid to push back on mission critical topics, address conflict, say what is on their minds or hold others accountable for behaviors and performance. In fact, people often say “yes” to things they don’t agree with for fear of receiving a bad reaction from their superiors, and then they pay lip service to important tasks and initiatives. As a result, productivity is compromised and results suffer. This predicament only perpetuates and increases the passive aggressive behavior, which caused it in the first place.

So, why are people passive aggressive?

Some people believe that passive aggressive behavior is ingrained in certain people’s personality, therefore they will always behave that way. I don’t believe that is the case. I think people behave in passive aggressive ways when they are ambitious and eager to succeed, and at the same time they don’t trust their ability to communicate effectively, or that others are big enough to handle their directness.

Think about it, if you trust your ability to communicate in any circumstance and people’s ability to listen and get it, you would feel quite confident, calm and centered even when dealing with big challenges and tight deadlines. You would feel enabled to express your true feelings, desires, commitments and even criticism in a direct and authentic way. If you hurt people’s feelings you could always clean it up.

But, if you don’t trust your ability to communicate effectively, especially in tense or uncomfortable situations when you need to convey criticism and disagreement, or you fear that if you expressed your frustration and anger, it may get out of hand, or you may get into trouble with your superiors or teammates – how would you behave?

Now, add to that the fact that no one feels comfortable to come out and admit “I don’t trust my ability to communicate” or “I don’t trust that you will handle it.” So, instead of expressing your authentic feelings you could easily pretend that everything is ok. Or you would suppress your true feelings, water down your communication or hold back all together, even if in reality you may want to kill someone.

Pent up emotions, frustrations, and unexpressed communications are like bottled energy. Eventually, they have to be released. The more they stay bottled up, the more likely they are to explode when triggered. Unfortunately, this often happens at the most inappropriate times, in the most unproductive ways. When we “lose it,” it usually creates damage beyond proportion.

So, how do you stop this?

Given that passive aggressive behavior lives as an issue of communication, you have to transform it in the realm of communication. This will take authentic leadership, ownership, commitment, and courage.

If leaders are too afraid to be vulnerable, or they don’t trust themselves to create a more powerful and authentic environment of communication around them, or they are simply too caught up in the passive aggressive behavior themselves, nothing will change. In fact, they will continue to be a part of the problem.

They will most likely hide behind their title and authority in order to control conversations and avoid hearing bad news or criticism, especially about themselves. By doing so, they will perpetuate the issues and drive their team to more passive aggressive behavior.

However, if leaders commit to creating an open, honest environment for communication where people can authentically and directly communicate and express their views, even if things may get a bit messy before they get better, they can stop the passive aggressive behavior and transform it into something more nurturing and productive.

Leaders can create a more powerful environment, and everyone can develop their skills and confidence at communicating effectively. You just need to know that this will take time and it has to start at the top.

Brutal Honesty – Good or Bad?

Living with a courageous and relentless commitment to openness and honesty is a powerful way to live.  

I am not merely saying this because I have personally adopted this commitment in my own life, I am saying it because many times I have seen the power of openness and honesty triumph over resignation, despair, and challenge, as well as nurturing opportunities to build trust and relationships. BUT, I have also seen openness, honesty, and bluntness deeply hurt and deflate people.

People often think that “having no filter”, “calling it as they see it”, and “putting it all out there” are strong leadership virtues. In fact, some cultures – the Dutch for example – pride themselves on their bluntness.

This ‘brutal honesty’ can definitely be a strength when it is delivered in a productive manner.  However, brutal honesty can also be a disaster and an impediment, it can deeply hurt people and leave casualties.

I have seen examples like this multiple times in many companies.   In one of the companies where I coached a sales manager was asked by his boss to represent his country in the weekly regional sales forecast call with the upper-level managers. The economic times were challenging and deals were hard to come by, so everyone on the call was somewhat tense and apprehensive, especially the sales manager’s boss’s boss, who was under tremendous pressure from his superiors to show results.

When it was time for the sales manager to present he didn’t have good news to share, so it didn’t take long before he found himself being questioned, grilled and criticized by those who attended the meeting. Needless to say, he left the call feeling devastated and publically attacked, humiliated and demeaned. His boss’s boss had a different depiction of the incident. His take was: “The sales manager came to the call unprepared so I gave him direct feedback and tried to help him steer his presentation the right way”.

If your openness, honesty, and bluntness don’t make a difference and empower the people you are communicating with, you have missed the mark big time.

People also often equate open, honest and direct communication to “getting it all off their chest“. In fact, in a recent coaching conversation, an executive boasted about the fact that he finally mustered the courage to tell his peer how he really felt about him, after a long period of accumulating pent-up frustrations and resentments about his colleague.  At first, I empathized with his feeling of personal triumph.  He acknowledged that he left the conversation feeling relief, but his colleague seemed quite upset and disheartened.  Also upon further reflection, he admitted that the conversation didn’t address, resolve or improve anything. In fact, it damaged the trust and partnership with his colleague.

Putting it all out there, or getting if all off your chest is the wrong focus.

Making a difference should always be the purpose and focus of any communication. It should guide the approach, angle, style and intensity of all our conversations. If making a difference requires being completely open, honest and blunt, then so be it. But, if being completely open, honest and blunt would hurt, insult, demean or deflate the other person, it may be better not to say anything at all.

A friend of mine, who is teaching university post-graduates, shared with me how her boss adopted the “blunt, no filter” approach.  Her boss, who came from the finance world, did not take into account the less brutal and more “diplomatic” academic world she was now immersed in, as a result his approach was less than successful.  Consequently, my friend confessed to now feeling wary and cautious about bringing issues to the front because of her boss’s unorthodox style.

There are always appropriate, effective and productive ways to communicate, give feedback and express criticism and dissatisfaction – no matter how severe – that elevate and empower the person you are communicating with.

What good is it for you or anyone if people around you are torn down and/or afraid to speak their minds?

Managing your work-life balance may be easier than you think!

Like many of you, I have a very full and busy schedule with professional and personal commitments, projects, and activities.

I am passionate about achieving all my life goals and even though my professional priorities are extremely demanding I go out of my way to make time for personal commitments like exercising and spending time with my wife and kids.

Trying to manage everything is often an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes it feels overwhelming like I have too much to do and I am not able to get it all covered. Whilst at other times, even when the load is extremely full, I feel that I am completely on top of it with time to spare.

But, no matter how I feel during the rollercoaster ride I seem to always somehow manage to get everything done in a timely and workable manner. Some things seem to go smoothly from the start while other things tend to squeak, push and kick all the way to the end. However, I don’t recall the last time I failed to achieve a significant personal or professional project, deadline or milestone.

When it comes to managing the balance between our professional and personal life there seem to be two dynamics occurring simultaneously. One is the actual events and activities that take place. The other is all the internal self-commentary and self-criticism that accompanies these activities. We often get these two things tangled and confused. Especially when we have a lot on our plate.

For example, my goal is to exercise five times a week, when I am not on the road. I try to keep that routine religiously in order to stay in shape. However, there often seem to be good reasons why I don’t have the time to do it. My internal commentary often sounds like: “Today is not a good day for exercising”, “You are going to miss your deadline if you exercise today”, and “You don’t feel like it anyway”.

When I buy into these considerations and put off my exercising, I always feel frustrated and dissatisfied.

The good news is that I have learned that there is no actual correlation between my internal noise and commentary about what I can or can’t do, and how much I actually get done. In other words, no matter how insistent my internal chatter is, and how convincing its argument is that if I exercise I will miss my other commitments, in reality, most of the time that is simply not the case at all!

As a result, I no longer give credence to the internal commentary. I just let it go on and I go ahead and do what I planned and promised myself to do anyway.

I have learned to trust that if I stay true to my commitments in all areas, and just do what I say, no matter how I feel, I will always manage to get everything done and I feel gratified at the end. 95% of the time that is exactly what happens. In the other 5%, I typically end up renegotiating the deadline or in some instances working longer hours to pull it off on time. But, the long hours routine doesn’t happen often, and things seem to always have a way of working out in the end.

Unfortunately, most people buy into their internal considerations and excuses far too often and quickly. As a result, they stop short of pursuing, carrying out or achieving their objectives. And, most of us also put our professional priorities before our personal ones, so when we are under pressure we tend to sell out on our personal things first.

If you want to manage your life balance more powerfully, here are a few practical tips from my personal experience that could be of help:

  1. Be clear about your personal and professional long-term and short-term commitments and objectives.
    The more you occupy your consciousness with, and focus your intention on your dreams, commitments and goals the less space there will be for noises and excuses.
  2. Schedule clear activities associated with fulfilling your commitments and goals in your calendar.
    Bring your commitments and goals to life by turning them to clear actions and practices that populate your calendar. For example, schedule time for writing the proposal, reading the report, returning calls. Schedule a specific time for exercising three times a week, date night with your spouse, quality time with kids, etc.
  3. Keep to your schedule, no matter what.
    Relate to all commitments as equal. Don’t cancel your exercise or time with your kids because of workload or because you are afraid these will interfere with or jeopardize your success at work.
  4. Say no to others who want to double book things with you in timeslots that are already allocated to other personal or professional commitments.
    Be courteous and responsible about it and offer alternative times for conflicting activities. However, don’t sell out on personal commitments and priorities because of professional ones.

Obviously, things are never perfect. At times you will need to be flexible and innovative, including perhaps rescheduling things or working longer hours to get everything done. However, if you take a stand for having it all, and you manage your schedule with the relentless commitment to never sacrifice or sell out on anything important. And, if you make sure that all your professional and personal commitments are equally accounted for, you will find that the noise has less and less influence over your actions. As a result, your ability to have a well-balanced professional and personal life will keep growing.

Try it and see how it works…

4 powerful principles for successful personal change

Do you have what it takes to change yourself?  

As a part of my job, I have the privilege of coaching many people at all levels of organizations; people who want to become more powerful and effective professionally and personally.

People often have to go through personal changes in how they think and behave in order to reinvent themselves and achieve the next level. I have reinvented myself a few times in my life, and I can share from personal experience, both as a coach and a player, that doing so can be very challenging.

Even when we really want it and we have a clear strategy for change, actually ‘internalizing it’, ‘carrying it out’ and ‘living the change’ are often the most difficult parts of the change. In fact, most people don’t succeed – I am sure you’ve heard the cynical phrases: “A leopard can’t change its spots” and “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

Every reinvention is different. However, there are a few powerful principles and tips that are universal to all types of personal change. They are all in the realm of our mindset, attitude and mental game. If you understand these principles and tips, know what to expect and how to deal with them you will have a higher chance to succeed in your reinvention. Here are four of them:

  • Tolerate things getting worst before they get better – When you take a stand about reinventing yourself the universe listens to your desire and then says: “Let’s see if you are serious about this.” To check you out, it throws you some initial challenges. If you remain positive, on-course and overcome the ‘small’ stuff it then sends you ‘medium’ level barriers. And if you can again stay the course and overcome these, it sends you even bigger challenges. However, if you overcome all levels of obstacles the universe concludes: “Yes, you are for real” and then things begin to change in your favor and you start seeing a momentum towards your desired change. The problem is that most people give up too soon. They don’t stay the course for long enough to get to the other side and reap the rewards.
  • Act and behave in counter-intuitive ways – When the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon during its transformation to becoming a butterfly, there is a moment when everything seems to be confusing and upside down. The caterpillar, who still thinks as a multi-legged slow crawling creature, takes one look at its two legs and two big and heavy wings on its back, and it feels like the world has come to an end. It’s the same for us when we want to change ourselves. If you are a highly-strung, aggressive and driven person, and you are presented with a critical situation, staying calm and not immediately reacting with action could feel quite counter-intuitive. In fact, if you see someone else not responding with action you’re likely to judge them as lazy, complacent, slacking off or dropping the ball. It’s like learning to ski; you start falling to one side and intuitively you want to swing away. But, you are supposed to lean into the fall rather than away from it. In order to reinvent yourself, you have to behave in counter-intuitive ways, stay the course and trust the process.
  • Stay courageousIt’s scary to reinvent yourself. You are in new territory. You go through a roller coaster of emotions including hope, fear, frustration and resignation. And, especially in the down moments your mind constantly tries to persuade you to draw back. It says things like: “It wasn’t a good idea!”, “You’re in over your head!”, and “What were you thinking?”. To succeed you need to stay in the moment, clear from noise. You need to keep reminding yourself to focus on and strive for making progress, not achieving perfection. Winston Churchill said: “Success is moving from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm”. He meant: it is easy to stay the course when everything is in your favor. However, it takes courage to stay the course in the face of challenging emotions or circumstances.
  • ‘Fake it till you make it’ – I came from a small village where the dress code was extremely casual. Needless to say, I’d never worn a suit and tie. When I was a junior consultant at the beginning of my career, I had to wear a suit and tie for all my client engagements. In the first year of my career, I kept having this nagging feeling that I was out of place, out of my league and a phony. But, I played the part, and over time the suit-and-tie image and role grew on me, or I grew on them, and I started to feel more authentic and at home. If I had listened to my feelings and internal noise, I would have never gotten this far. Instead, I took a stand about who I want to be and I faked it till I made it. To succeed you will have to do the same, even if your first steps feel robotic, inauthentic or contrived.

Agreeing to disagree is always a cop-out

Too often I see the following scenario: A team meets to discuss issues that are critical to the organization’s success. The conversation goes on and on without resolution, as different people have divergent opinions about the best course of action. When the leader tries to bring it to a conclusion, they are no closer to alignment. They leave the meeting “agreeing to disagree.”

Such meetings are worse than a waste of time, in fact, they can actually damage the organization, which is then no closer to making the necessary decisions and assuming responsibility for them. People compromise and stay within their comfort zones at the expense of moving the organization forward in new and dynamic ways.

Take as an example a successful technology company that was trying to take its game to the next level. One of their biggest challenges – and opportunity – was to get all their business units and functions working together in a more cohesive and aligned way. Instead of interacting with customers with one voice, different sales and services groups were promoting their own agendas, often competing with other internal groups for customers’ mindshare and business. Cross-selling was suffering and a lot of potential revenues was left on the table.

The senior leadership team of this company made many attempts to get on the same page. They scheduled many long and exhausting meetings, but these meetings only perpetuated the vagueness and didn’t create clarity and alignment. Leaders left these meetings with different understandings and expectations and every time issues came up and a leader would say “But, we agreed on this!” a colleague would respond with “We never agreed on this!” Needless to say, this company was not going to the next level any time soon.

Why does this happen?

It is either because leaders lack the courage to drive clarity in the face of controversy, or they lack the understanding of their role as leaders, or they lack the ability to effectively manage conversations.

True leaders know how important it is to have an open debate with honest, respectful listening because there is rarely a single right answer to any dilemma or question. They are able to elevate their people to set aside their personal egos, agendas, and preferences to align with the collective wisdom of the group. They instill in their teams a real commitment to the type of conversation that leads to making choices, aligning behind those choices, and taking responsibility together. This requires courage.

There is never a justification to leave a conversation agreeing to disagree. It is always a cop-out!

Of course, some topics are complex and may need a number of meetings to gather the necessary input and to digest it as a group. But paralysis by analysis is always an excuse to avoid taking a stand. And, the cost of lack of decisiveness, accountability, and follow-through is cynicism, resignation, and stagnation.

Achieving extraordinary results requires the ability to align on goals. Agreeing to disagree precludes that. Organizations that achieve 100 per cent alignment behind a goal that is 80 percent right have a much greater chance of success than those where people are divided behind a perfect goal. Compromise too often means that some of the people are 100 percent behind one point of view and others are zero percent. How motivated are those ‘zero percent people’ to work towards the success of a goal they have not endorsed? They are the ones watching and waiting to say: “I told you so”.

Obviously, it is scary to step up to the plate and take full responsibility for a goal or direction that is uncertain, controversial, difficult to achieve, or politically incorrect. Making choices means eliminating alternatives. But when team members do find the courage to make tough choices, they are immediately more powerful. They are able to apply their energy towards proving their choices right rather than wasting energy on proving that others are wrong.

If an entire team is genuinely behind one direction – even if it is only 80 percent correct – if they truly align, commit to that direction, and backstop each other, it is astounding what can happen.

Do you have the nerve to be a bold and powerful leader?

There are two things required for leaders to achieve extraordinary results – first is a robust strategy that everyone understands and believes in. And second is the nerve to stay the course and make it happen. Most strategies fail because of the second, not the first.

When leaders want to achieve extraordinary results – in good or bad times – they must address two aspects of strategy. First, they must develop a clear game plan for where they want their organization to be, and how to get there. Second, they must create an environment of authentic ownership, accountability and communication inside which the plan can be implemented. None of this is revolutionary.

The only way employees will commit to a bold plan is if they believe their leaders have the nerve to do what it takes to make it happen. Most leaders are ignorant of this critical fact, or they underestimate it. They believe that all they need to do is a good job of communicating the plan, demand compliance, and tie compensations and rewards to its achievement; with these in place, people will naturally fall in line. Nothing is further from the truth.

If people doubt their leader’s nerve, they will be cautious, keep ideas, suggestions and problems hidden, and only ‘appear’ to be on board. When asked, they will say the right things. But in their hearts, they will be disengaged.

Far too often I have seen leaders declare a bold, ambitious change strategy, only to achieve little traction. Why? Because they failed to address and deal with the key issues necessary to achieve their bold future.

These key issues often revolved around successful but entitled senior managers, whose behavior was not consistent with the organization’s stated values and spirit, and sometimes even decisions. Despite politically correct declarations by the leader to the contrary, the lack of holding these individuals to account sent a clear message to employees that the boldness of the change strategy was hot air. Cynicism reigned, and the strategy remained little more than a slide deck.

Leaders must have the nerve to face reality, including admitting mistakes or owning up to places they or their predecessors fell short.

Without that, people doubt leader’s credibility, sincerity and competence. As a result, they will go through the motions, but they will not wholeheartedly join in.

Leaders who can only stomach positive or diplomatic conversations will have no time for the difficult, messy territory of complaints and worries that must be addressed before people are willing to engage in anything else.

In today’s difficult economic environment, having nerve is more critical than ever. To hear and address people’s skepticism, doubts, fears or uncertainties requires courage. To infuse hope and confidence in the face of seemingly endless gloom and doom requires a strong backbone.

Nerve is what allows leaders to inspire and energize people when many are feeling uncertain or anxious. Nerve distinguishes real leaders from managers, administrators and bureaucrats.